


Tip Toe Around My Heart, Dance Around My Feelings

by bealovelylady



Series: Even Though You’re [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Blow Jobs, Can you tell by the tags, Casual Sex, Daddy Kink, Domestic Fluff, Enough fluff to choke a small dog, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hanamaki is a fuckboi too, Hand Jobs, Hangover, Happy Ending, I feel like I should note that UshiOi is the main couple in this fic, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, I’m sorry I made Kenji a dick, M/M, Multi, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Oikawa is a fuckboi, Oikawa is so obnoxious in this fic, Rape/Non-con Elements, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, Vomiting, this fic is a hot mess, will add more tags as i add chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-23 04:25:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15598251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bealovelylady/pseuds/bealovelylady
Summary: “Seriously?” Kuroo asked in utter disbelief as he stared at the pretty setter over his morning cup of coffee. Oikawa had decided to crash on his couch after Kuroo’s first college party last night. Bottles of alcohol, now empty, littered the kitchen and living room floor, but Kuroo chose to ignore them over the bombshell he’d walked in on just a few minutes ago.Because Oikawa wasn’t the only one who’d crashed on his couch; Ushijima too had made himself at home. It wasn’t that which Kuroo minded, since he’d offered at the beginning of last night anyways, but the fact that Oikawa and Ushijima has crashed on the same couch that left him in a state of disbelief.“So? You slept together?”“It’s not like we had sex on your couch! We just made out a lot and maybe some hand stuff and cuddling-“AKA Oikawa is a fuck boi and a hot mess.Pt. 1 of Even Though You’re (Mean)





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’ve moved a lot of stuff around and if you read my Hello, Neighbor fic, this is a prequel to it set in the same universe and following Oikawa. I’ve deleted and remade the series this belongs to and will re-add the fics in order. 
> 
> I want to apologize. I started writing this and basically my only goal so far has been “How many people can I make Oikawa have sex with?” So like... its a hot mess, pls forgive me for my sins.
> 
> If you’re into that like I am (/winks obnoxiously) then pls read! <3

“Seriously?” Kuroo asked in utter disbelief as he stared at the pretty setter over his morning cup of coffee. Oikawa had decided to crash on his couch after Kuroo’s first college party last night. Bottles of alcohol, now empty, littered the kitchen and living room floor, but Kuroo chose to ignore them over the bombshell he’d walked in on just a few minutes ago. 

Because Oikawa wasn’t the only one who’d crashed on his couch; Ushijima too had made himself at home. It wasn’t that which Kuroo minded, since he’d offered at the beginning of last night anyways, but the fact that Oikawa and Ushijima has crashed on the same couch that left him in a state of disbelief. 

“I thought you said you hated his guts. ‘Don’t invite him, Kuroo! He’s a big meanie!’”

“I never said that!” Oikawa fired back in a high voice.

“Did.”

“Never! I wouldn’t call anyone a ‘big meanie’; that’s all you.”

Kuroo rolled his eyes so high to the sky and he wondered how his friend was able to lie to himself so well. 

“So? You slept together?”

“It’s not like we had sex on your couch! We just made out a lot and maybe some hand stuff and cuddling-“

“Hand stuff is sex!” Kuroo said in exasperation. “I swear if you got any on my couch-“

“Geez, Kuroo, listen to me! He fell asleep before either of us could cum and now I’m _horny_!”

Kuroo grimaced. _Go take care of it somewhere else and don’t tell me_ were the words that crossed his mind, but instead he just sighed and said, “So he is a big meanie?”

“Yes!” Oikawa practically screamed. “I’ll smack that grin off your face; that’s the first time I’ve called him that!”

“Uh-huh,” was Kuroo’s only, not-at-all-convinced response.

“Anyways, you should think about finding a nicer, bigger apartment, Ku-chan. This place is a dump.” He held his nose as he glanced around to emphasize his point. 

“It’s a college dorm room, what do you want from me? My parents are paying for it, so you have no right to complain, and neither do I.”

Oikawa just waved his hands; Kuroo had already come to terms with the fact that Oikawa didn’t know what struggling was like and would always compare what his friends had to the things he was handed for free. 

“If you hate it so much, why don’t you host the next party at your loft?”

Oikawa wrinkled his nose. “You know I’d get knocked up if I ever had a party at my place. I mean, why wouldn’t I have lots of sex if my bed was available to me, in the next room? It’s no good.”

“God, Oikawa. I don’t understand half the shit that goes on in your brain and you choose to say aloud. You know boys can’t get pregnant.”

Oikawa just hummed and grinned. “I’m cute enough for that rule not to apply to me.”

“Ew, you sound like you wanna have a baby.”

“Nah. It’d ruin my figure,” Oikawa groaned as he swayed his hips, running his hands down his trim figure. “Besides, you can’t play volleyball if you’re prego.”

Kuroo waved him off, dropping hint after hint that he wanted Oikawa to leave, the final big hint being no coffee offered even though there was more than a whole cup left in the coffee pot. So the brunet finally pulled his jacket on and huffed out the door in his tiny shorts. Honestly, sometimes Oikawa dressed like he thought he was going to a sex party, not a college “get drunk with five friends” party. He just rolled his eyes and hid his smile behind the now-closed door. 

x

It wasn’t like he’d meant to fall asleep with Ushijima, or even kiss him, or give him a hand job, but the fact that Ushijima was a big bear and far more cuddly than he appeared were his greatest downfall. He hadn’t even so much minded getting blue balled by a hella drunk Ushijima, but then they’d woken up and Ushijima hadn’t said a word or even spared a glance as he bustled off without Oikawa. 

It was always the same story. Oikawa’d had far more flings and one-night whatevers than the number of years he’d been alive on this earth, but it wasn’t until today that he’d felt a little sad that his one-night whatever had left him like that. 

He didn’t care about Ushijima, of course, it was just that he was _really good_ , better than any other Oikawa had had, and they hadn’t even had real sex, and it felt sad knowing that Ushijima would probably rather just forget it all. He wondered how successful getting Ushijima drunk again would be. He’d have to save it for the next party. Maybe he _should_ have it at his apartment... 

But now he was late for his Psych 1 class, and it was only his first semester of college, and his parents had warned him about this. They always threatened to take things away if he didn’t get good grades and behave, but honestly, Oikawa wasn’t sure if they’d ever go through with it. Not that he’d ever find out, since he was just naturally gifted. Volleyball was the only luxury they’d allowed him to choose for himself, and otherwise it was ballet classes and piano lessons and horseback riding. He enjoyed them all, actually, but volleyball was special because _he_ had chosen it. 

And that’s how he’d met Ushijima, too. But Ushijima was actually on an official team, while Oikawa just stumbled into the gym once in a while to challenge the players (mainly Iwa-chan and that damn Tobio). And Ushijima was good, deserving of his spot as ace on the team, even though it was only his second year at college. 

Well, all in all, Oikawa had a lot of reasons not to feel too sad about Ushijima, especially when he sidled up to Hanamaki in his English class and the other glanced at him and invited him to sit next to him. Hanamaki was always, always a good distraction. They were a lot alike, play boys who could care less about feelings, who just really liked feeling good. They often found themselves in tangled sheets and limbs, talking like best friends more than lovers as they discussed who was hot and who they wanted to bang at the next college event after getting it on in said sheets. 

Oikawa glanced up at their teacher before leaning heavily into Hanamaki and whispering, “God, I’d love to have him fuck me against the blackboard.”

Hanamaki narrowed his eyes and nodded slow, licking at his lips. “Agreed,” he whispered out in that gruff voice he always got when he was hot to trot. 

“I call dibs,” Oikawa whispered fiercely. Hanamaki smirked at him without looking away from the blackboard up front.

“You’re the only one here crazy enough to try.”

Oikawa couldn’t argue that at all. He sank back in his chair and grinned. 

x

“Come on, Iwa-chan! Play with me!” Oikawa’s tone was far too suggestive for the fact that he was holding a volleyball and standing in a school gym. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and ignored the other. 

“I have to lock up, Shittykawa.”

“Yeah, so it’s perfect! We can stay a little later and you can lock up after! And then we can go home and you can play with me there too-“

A sweaty towel was lobbed violently at his head and Iwaizumi scowled at Oikawa like he’d never seen a more disgusting creature. “Seriously, you’re incredibly gross, you know. It’s a wonder anyone wants to stick their dick in you.”

“Sometimes they prefer I stick my dick in them,” Oikawa chimed innocently as he twirled the ball on his palm. 

“Seriously...” the other said in pure exasperation, but knowing he couldn’t have expected anything better. “So damn disgusting. Tell it to someone who hasn’t known you since you were in diapers.”

“ _Iwaizumi-senpai_!” Oikawa called out in a shrill, whiny voice, so grating to the ears that Iwaizumi visibly shuddered, and he reached for another towel to throw, but Oikawa was stepping on the only one he had. 

“Iwaizumi-senpai,” called a voice like a dream-version of Oikawa’s chant, and Iwaizumi turned to glance at Ushijima. The tall man had his eyes trained fully on his teammate, almost like he couldn’t even register Oikawa’s presence, or any other human besides who he was addressing for that matter, but Iwaizumi was used to it by now. Oikawa, however, seemed personally offended. 

He threw the volleyball in his hands _hard_ at Ushijima, who caught it gracefully even though he wasn’t looking at all, and huffed, “Well, if you won’t play with me, make your ace do it.”

“No one can make Ushijima do anything, so it’s all on you,” shrugged Iwaizumi like it was none of his business. He shouldered his bag and picked up his towel, Oikawa taking the opportunity to run his hand through Iwaizumi’s hair and purr down at him. He smacked Oikawa’s dirty paw away and pressed the gym key into Ushijima’s palm. “He’s all yours. Good luck getting rid of that leech,” he hissed, loud enough for the brunet to hear, before peacing out. Oikawa’s high whine followed him, and he was honestly glad that Ushijima had showed up. The thought of spending another moment with Oikawa when he was like that - _desperate_ beyond all reason - literally made him want to rip his eyeballs out of his skull. 

He’d made the gravest mistake of letting Oikawa put his hands on him once, and now Oikawa always came back to him when he was needy. But no amount of alcohol could make Iwaizumi touch the man again, since that had been his downfall in the first place. Sure, Oikawa was fucking hot, cuter than any of the girls he’d ever dated or crushed on, but he was a fucking pain in the ass as much as he was beautiful. 

He prayed for Ushijima’s soul and sanity. 

Oikawa and Ushijima just stood quiet for a moment after Iwaizumi had left and then Ushijima turned and said, “Help me clean up.” Oikawa couldn’t even say no.

He sulked with every ball he picked up and cleaned, and he sulked all the way back to his posh loft.

x

It was Halloween, the best time for a guy like Oikawa to really strut what his momma gave him. He pulled on the shortest, can-you-really-even-call-them-shorts-at-this-point bottoms and a black leather strap harness thing that strapped around his waist and hips and down around his thighs, and a short crop top that would show nip if he even moved an inch. What was he supposed to be? Who knows. He put a cat ear headband on his head that he’d probably “acquired” from a hook-up’s girlfriend, and thought now it constituted just fine as a costume. No one could call him out on it, right? He was a kitty cat. 

Kuroo came by around 10 to pick him up, sporting some kind of goth look that honestly was fucking hot, and Oikawa wondered if black lipstick tasted like anything. He pressed up against Kuroo and asked exactly that. 

“Well, Oikawa, maybe you’ll find out one day,” Kuroo shrugged, which only made Oikawa more determined to figure it out tonight. 

He stuffed a couple of bills into his boot in case they decided to go somewhere, along with his phone and a few condoms, and grabbed Kuroo’s arm, letting the man drag him off. 

“Aren’t you cold?” Kuroo asked Oikawa as he clung tighter to his arm. They already hit one party and drank a bit, now once again out an exploring for more fun. Oikawa could still taste the lime from the tequila shots in his lips, and he licked at them. 

“Hmm?” the brunet hummed. He really was, which was made most obvious by his teeth chattering and hard nipples, but he just smiled up at Kuroo and cooed, “Why would I be cold when I’ve got a hunk like you to keep me warm?”

Kuroo sighed and wrapped an arm around Oikawa’s shoulder. “Just, come here.” Oikawa snuggled up to his side with a sigh of relief; Kuroo’s skin was like a mini furnace, even though he himself only wore a loose black tee and skinny jeans with enough holes in it to make it questionable if they were still pants. His combat boots were tied loose on his feet and made soft scraping noises on the pavement, and Oikawa was for once happy to just be silent and enjoy the moment.

Until-

“Say, Kuroo? You’re single, aren’t you?”

“Single as a Pringle.”

“Don’t you wanna try it out with me.”

Kuroo scoffed. “You don’t date people, Oikawa. You fuck them and break their hearts.”

Oikawa shrugged like the words didn’t even offend him. “I feel like I could date you.”

Kuroo just laughed. If he was about to say anything else, it was cut off by Oikawa’s short hiss of, “Oh, fuck.”

Kuroo’s eyes darted around the front lawn of the sorority house they found themselves at, and he thought he could immediately spot the problem. Not wanting to get into Oikawa’s fuck boy drama, he raised his hands in the air and said, “Well, bye. Call me when you wanna bail.”

Oikawa thought about saying something after him, but then his eyes darted to the tall man standing in a small crowd of girls, and he thought better of it. He bit at his lip and wondered if he was still a little too sober for a dramatic scene to unfold. He saw the full drink in Ushijima’s hand and thought that was a good enough place to start.

It was obvious the girls around Ushijima had one mission, so he silently sidled up to the tall volleyball player and let out a startling noise as he grabbed Ushijima’s drink. He downed it all in one go, some kind of weak party punch, but it was enough for him to turn to the girls, cock his hip, and exclaim, “Oh, heeey, girls,” like they were all best friends. He could feel Ushijima watching him, and he grabbed around his waist and pressed his body to the taller man’s side, standing on his tip toes as he practically ground himself against Ushijima. 

“Hey, Ushiwaka,” he mewled, more for the benefit of the girls than Ushijima. 

He heard exclamations of disgust and someone muttered, “Who the fuck is this weirdo?” which he took to mean, “Fuck, he’s cuter than me and I’m jealous.” He beamed at the ladies and flirted with Ushijima obnoxiously until they finally moved away with huffs and curses.

He sighed and relaxed against Ushijima, but he didn’t look up at him as he clung to his arm. He was sure he was about to get a set of knuckles to his skull and a “What the fuck was that all about, Shittykawa?” But instead the taller man sighed heavily and said, “You saved me.”

Oikawa whipped around and pulled away like someone had just threatened to murder his friend, and he blinked up at Ushijima. 

Ushijima looked visibly more comfortable than he had before, and Oikawa thought for the first time in his life that maybe not everyone enjoyed being flocked upon by admirers. 

“Wow,” he breathed. “Well, you’re welcome, I guess.”

Then he leaned in again and pressed Ushijima’s empty cup into his hand. “Wanna get us another drink to pay me back?”

Ushijima hesitated for a moment and then nodded, his face as stoic as always, and headed off into the house, Oikawa following after him to make sure he didn’t get him any weak shit. Once they breached the door, people packed around them like sardines, and he grabbed onto Ushijima’s jersey and pressed closer to him as they moved to the kitchen. He pointed out bottles to Ushijima, unable to speak over the deafening noise of a too-loud subwoofer, and Ushijima filled two cups for them. The man leaned down and almost had to shout into the brunet’s ear to be heard.

“Wanna go somewhere quieter?” It was more of an invitation than an annoyed expression to Oikawa’s brain, and he nodded eagerly as he took one of the drinks in one hand and laced the fingers of his other hand through Ushijima’s. He led him outside to a quiet part of the street in front of the house, underneath a lamp post with a barely-alive bulb, and he sat his ass down on crunchy, cold gravel. Ushijima folded his legs and sat next to him. 

“So, tell me what your costume is.” Oikawa said as he glanced down at Ushijima’s shirt. “Don’t tell me, you’re a volleyball player.”

Ushijima glanced down and pulled at his volleyball jersey as if he’d forgotten what he was even wearing. “Uh, no, a football player.”

Oikawa actually roared at that. Ushijima said it so seriously and Oikawa almost spilled his drink as he tossed his head back and laughed aloud. He wondered if it was mostly the alcohol, but he felt like he hadn’t laughed so hard and genuinely in years. The last person who’d made him laugh like that was probably Iwaizumi. 

He sobered up and drank more of his drink, and he blubbered his mouth off about this and that. The drunker he became, the more sure he was that Ushijima was hitting on him. Their knees were pressed together and Ushijima offered Oikawa his jacket when he shivered. He leaned in to brush away a bug, and held Oikawa’s cup when he said something super funny once again and Oikawa found himself rolling on the grass. 

That movement sent his blood rushing and suddenly he was very intoxicated (those tequila shots had probably been a mistake), and when he sat up, letting the dizziness pass a little, he pulled himself into Ushijima’s lap with a weak and whiny excuse of, “The ground hurts my tushy, Ushi-chan.”

Ushijima just blinked at him, and Oikawa thought that was definitely Morse code for “Fuck, you’re hot,” and he dove forward onto Ushijima’s lips. Ushijima sloshed a little of his drink in shock as Oikawa recklessly threw his arms around the other man and sloppily licked at his lips, not even registering that Ushijima wasn’t kissing him back. 

Someone wolf whistled at the pair and Oikawa swung back to yell, “This man is gonna put his dick in my ass tonight,” before coming back to face Ushijima with a very lopsided grin. His head was all sloshy and his vision was blurry, but was Ushijima really not smiling? 

Warm hands came up to his shoulder and he leaned into the touch, ready for more smooching, but Ushijima gently held him away. “You’re drunk, Oikawa.”

“So?” the brunet slurred, trying to be seductive as hell, but probably looking more like a hot mess.

“You can’t make informed decisions when you’re inebriated.”

“Hmm? What?” Oikawa blinked at the big words. “I just wanna kiss you, Ushiwaka! Don’t need ‘n ninform’d decision for that.” He pushed against Ushijima’s hands and collided with his lips again, grabbing at his neck to press his body against the other’s. He knew Ushijima could have pushed him away if he really didn’t want it, so he took this as a sign of want and ground his erection against Ushijima’s hips as he lapped at his lips. 

“Okay-“ Ushijima tried again, but speaking opened his mouth and now Oikawa was licking into it and he had to more forcibly push Oikawa away. 

The brunet whined. “Don’t you want me, Ushi-chan?”

“That’s not the issue.” But it seemed to Oikawa that his cheeks went a little pink, and the brunet grinned. 

“Come on. I think I love you, Ushiwaka!”

Ushijima just sighed and helped Oikawa stand, rising to his full height next to him. Oikawa fell against him and whispered out, “Fuck, I love how big you are. Can I call you Daddy? Are you into that? Fuck, I want you to fuck me so bad~”

Ushijima ignored all of his statements and asked him for his phone. 

“Why~? Wanna add your number? I can call you for a booty- for booty calls?”

“No, I wanna find out where Kuroo is so he can take you home.”

“No~!” whined Oikawa so loud that a few people on the street turned around to watch him. He yanked at Ushijima’s arm. “Just take me to your bed if you think I need to lie down.” He wasn’t even really flirting anymore. He thought he might actually need to lie down. 

“Hey, Ushi- what did you put... in my drink?”

“The stuff you pointed out. Why?”

“I think- I don’t feel so good.” And then he hurled half of his stomach onto his hand and the pavement next to Ushijima’s shoe. Ushijima grabbed him and let out a sound of surprise, and when Oikawa was done, he hustled him to the bathroom on the second floor of the frat house, where Oikawa released the rest of the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Ushijima cleaned his arm off as he puked and pat his head, keeping his bangs out of his eyes, until Oikawa collapsed back against him. 

“Will you take me home now?” he joked weakly, and Ushijima sighed into his hair.

Oikawa groaned as he turned and pressed his cheek against Ushijima’s chest. “Tequila doesn’t like me.”

Suddenly Ushijima went very silent, and in grave seriousness, he said, “I’m so sorry, Oikawa.”

Oikawa thought about giggling, but even just thinking about it made him nauseous, so he just weakly asked, “Why, silly?”

“I should have poured you so much alcohol. I knew you’d already been drinking.”

Oikawa huffed, annoyed, and stood and rinsed out his mouth, Ushijima standing with him and guarding him like he might fall over at any minute. Oikawa looked at his white face and said to Ushijima’s reflection, “You should feel bad enough to take me home now.”

God, he was so desperate, and even he thought he wouldn’t take himself home. 

“Let’s go find Kuroo,” Ushijima said softly, taking Oikawa’s hand and guiding him out of the bathroom. Oikawa pulled his phone out and saw he had a missed text from Kuroo.

_From: Kurooooo_

_Saw u go upstairs with U, u ok?_

He was about to respond when a familiar voice called his name, and he glanced up to see Kuroo making his way over. He still looked as good as when he’d last seen him, damn him, and Ushijima explained what had happened.

“Damn it, Oikawa,” Kuroo groaned as he took Oikawa off Ushijima’s hands, but he didn’t sound too mad, more worried about Oikawa, and Oikawa realized he was a really shitty friend and Kuroo was basically an angel. 

He clung to Kuroo until they got outside, and then Kuroo bent down and hooked his arms by his side. “Hop on.”

It took Oikawa a moment, but then he fell forward against Kuroo’s back and wrapped his arms around the man’s neck, letting the man pick him up piggy back. He inhaled the soothing scent of Kuroo’s shampoo and thought again about how warm the other was as Kuroo slowly made his way back to Oikawa’s loft. 

His car was in the parking lot of Oikawa’s building, but he decided he was too drunk to drive and to crash the night on Oikawa’s couch instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /sweats
> 
> /makes awkward mouth noises
> 
> EDIT: So I had this sneaking suspicion that maybe half my chapter was italized again and DANG IT IT WAS so that’s fixed now


	2. Chapter 2

Oikawa sick from too much alcohol but still a little drunk meant he was ten times needier and clingier than usual, but Kuroo discovered happily that the state he was currently in also dampened his need to flirt and make a sexual joke out of every single thing Kuroo said, so he actually found it a little endearing. 

He cleaned Oikawa off with a soapy wash cloth and untangled him from the mess of straps he wore on his body. Kuroo had to admit it was a really nice look. He laid a blanket over Oikawa’s body as he curled up on his mattress, and bid him goodnight, whispering that he was inviting himself to stay over. 

A hand on his arm stopped him, and he turned to find Oikawa looking up at him with bleary, forlorn eyes. “Don’t go, Ku-chan. I didn’t even get to second base tonight.”

Kuroo chuckled softly and sank down on the mattress next to Oikawa, wiping his sweaty bangs away. He’d made the man swish some mouthwash before crawling into bed and he was glad for it, as he was close enough to Oikawa now to smell his breath. 

“Kuroo,” Oikawa murmured softly after a long while, Kuroo thinking he’d fallen back to sleep a while ago when he’d pressed his face to hide against Kuroo’s thigh. He slowly pat his head and hummed in response. Brown eyes turned up to look at him, and Oikawa looked surprisingly clear-headed. 

“Seriously, I wanna kiss you.”

Kuroo groaned, but Oikawa just snuggled against his thigh again.

His voice was so soft when he whispered out, “You look so hot; it’s really unfair. Why would you think I wouldn’t want to kiss you?”

“Are you seriously embarrassed right now? After all the sexual advances you’ve made on me in the past few years?” Kuroo laughed as he rubbed a hand over Oikawa’s pink cheek.

Oikawa’s voice warbled and he intertwined his fingers with Kuroo’s. “Don’t you feel a little bad for me, Kuroooo? I kissed Ushibaka and he rejected me and then I puked almost on his shoe and he said he wouldn’t take me home even to care for me-“

Kuroo hummed softly as he listened, paying more attention to curling Oikawa’s soft hair around his fingers than his pleas for sympathy. Suddenly he moved and sat up, leaning forward and batting long eyelashes at Kuroo. His face was close and Kuroo saw the soft freckles, nearly invisible unless this close, dotting Oikawa’s nose and cheekbones. He really was incredibly pretty, and Kuroo thought that if it wasn’t for Oikawa’s shit personality, he’d love to date the guy. 

Or even just fuck him. 

Or kiss him. 

And Oikawa was docile now, and Kuroo was just the tiniest bit tipsy, and Oikawa looked soft, lips soft, skin soft, and he smelled really good, actually. 

“What are you gonna do if I let you kiss me?”

“Isn’t that the reward in and of itself?” Oikawa joked half heartedly, like he was tired of his own smart ass comments, and he smiled lopsidedly. “Do you want some kind of reciprocal pleasure?”

Kuroo was sure kissing Oikawa would be enough pleasure for both of them, but he liked teasing Oikawa. He combed some of his brown hair behind his ear and tilted his head, his gaze tender on the brunet. 

“Tell me... what you think of me?”

“I really like you, but more as a friend than anything else. I have a lot of one night stand friends and casual sex friends, but you’re genuinely just... my friend.”

“But you still wanna kiss me?”

Oikawa crooned as he nuzzled his nose against Kuroo’s cheek. “I know that it doesn’t have to mean anything with you. Like, different from the way it doesn’t mean anything with everyone else. You won’t get weird, you’ll still be my friend. You’re just... a good guy. You’re a good friend, Kuroo.” He blinked up at him and Kuroo felt his lashes brush against his cheek. “And you’re really hot,” he couldn’t help but add. 

Kuroo tilted his face a little to tease Oikawa again, breathing over his wet lips. 

“And what do you think of Ushijima?”

Oikawa rocked back on his hips in surprise. “I’m too-“ Like he couldn’t choose between a word for how he was feeling, he stuttered and finished, “I can’t have this convo right now.”

“Will you tell me when you figure it out?”

Oikawa was close again, breathing over Kuroo’s lips, so close that Kuroo could have stuck his tongue out and licked his bottom lip. “You’ll be the first to know, Kuroo. Now, please, fuck, just kiss me. I really want-“

Kuroo didn’t think he needed to hear the rest of those words, more than eager now to kiss Oikawa too. His lips were incredibly, incredibly soft and plump, not even like any girl he’d kissed before, and there was a faint hint of cherry chapstick, mixed with mouthwash. He pulled Oikawa into his lap and cupped the other’s face. Oikawa mewled softly into his mouth, tongues sliding over each other and lips chasing after a warm feeling. 

When they pulled back, Oikawa’s lips were a dark grey and he was sure the lipstick on his own lips was smeared. Oikawa reached forward and dragged his thumb over Kuroo’s pouting bottom lip, smiling fondly. 

“You really are so handsome, Kuroo. Like in a really good, wholesome way. I hope you find someone who can make you really happy, cause you definitely deserve that domestic shit.”

Kuroo laughed. “Thanks. I think that’s the least bullshit-y thing that’s ever come from your lips.”

“Yeah. It’s gross. You’re giving me warm, fuzzy feelings, Kuroo.”

“Gross,” Kuroo chimed back with a laugh. Oikawa watched how his eyes crinkled and lips spread wide as he smiled genuinely, and he really did hope for Kuroo to find happiness. Like, something really special that few people could boast of having. That kind of shit.

“Well, I hope you find your happiness too one day-“

“Ew!” yelped Oikawa. “Don’t even joke about that!” He pouted and Kuroo pressed at his bottom lip as he laughed. 

“Kiss it to make it better?” he asked with a grin, and Oikawa nodded.

“Black lipstick doesn’t taste that great, but your mouth tastes nice, and you’re a pretty good kisser.”

“You’re not too shabby yourself, Oikawa,” he murmured back just before their lips closed over each other again, and Oikawa sighed. 

After a moment, he slipped away from Kuroo and whispered, “Night, Kuroo.”

Kuroo smiled as Oikawa snuggled under his blanket again, dead asleep in seconds flat. “Good night.”

Kuroo found that Oikawa’s couch was actually really comfortable to sleep on. 

x

Oikawa opened his eyes sometime around 11 and rolled over before his stomach warned him otherwise. He groaned and clutched at his waist, curling up again. His legs were a little cold but his top was warm, and he realized he was still wearing Ushijima’s track jacket. He pulled at the collar and stuffed it to his nose, his scent having already mixed with the lingering scent of Ushijima, and his eyelids fluttered closed. 

When his stomach finally settled enough for him to get to the bathroom, he finally rolled out of bed. In the mirror, he combed out his hair and washed his face, brushed his teeth three times as he thought about the last bathroom he’d been in. He didn’t think he’d ever tried so hard to get someone into his pants, but damn it all if he was gonna let Ushijima go without a good fuck. 

He stepped out into his living room and poured himself a large cup of coffee from his Keurig, and wrapped himself up in Ushijima’s jacket as he made his way with two hands around his warm mug to his couch, plans to snuggle up and spend the day watching terrible real life TV and ordering junk food. He was startled by a long lump occupying his couch and soft blankets. He sat down on the edge of the sofa, beside a nest of black hair peeking out, and pulled the blanket away from Kuroo’s face. The other blinked up at him blearily and Oikawa pressed his mug of coffee into Kuroo’s hands. 

“Morning,” he mumbled as he sat up to gratefully sip at his beverage. “Sorry I crashed here.”

Oikawa smiled and reached out to rub some smeared lipstick from Kuroo’s cheek. “I don’t mind, but you could have slept with me in my bed.” 

“I figured you’d rather be alone since you weren’t feeling so hot.”

“Cuddling is always the best cure for hangovers,” he said even as he snuggled up into Kuroo’s lap. “Did I kiss you last night?” 

Kuroo laughed and put down his coffee mug, already half empty. “Yeah, actually.”

Oikawa wrapped his arms around Kuroo’s neck and sat up a little straighter. “Was it nice?”

“Yeah... actually,” Kuroo said with a wry smile. 

They traded a long look before Oikawa surged forward and pressed his mouth against Kuroo’s. When Kuroo offered no resistance, only deepening the kiss, Oikawa shuffled around in his lap and ground his cock against Kuroo’s groin. He was helping Kuroo out of his shirt when he parted their lips and whispered hotly, “I hope you know I’m just doing this because I’m very sexually frustrated.”

“Oh, thought it was cause you think I’m mad hot and you’ve got a crush on me,” Kuroo joked as he pushed Oikawa’s jacket off and pushed his crop top up to pinch at his hard nipples. 

“Ah, you caught me,” Oikawa murmured back and he arched his back into Kuroo’s touch, working to strip off his shorts and crop top, until he was naked on Kuroo’s lap. 

Kuroo reached up and pulled him down for a wet, heated kiss as Oikawa unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his cock out of his underwear. He groaned to the feeling of Oikawa’s hand hot on his dick, kissing deeper when Oikawa gripped their two lengths together and began jacking them off. 

Kuroo was an incredible kisser, and Oikawa was pretty well-versed in it too, and together they had each other moaning softly and wordlessly begging for more. 

“Fuck, Kuroo,” Oikawa murmured as he pulled back, Kuroo dragging a thumb over his wet lips. 

“You’re really skilled with your mouth.”

Oikawa grinned back at Kuroo, who was smiling cheekily, and he kissed Kuroo’s thumb. “How about I show you the real talent my mouth is capable of.”

Without another word, he slid down to the floor and Kuroo shuffled his hips forward, Oikawa grasping at them as he inhaled Kuroo’s cock whole. Hands slid into his hair, nails scraping over his scalp as Kuroo bucked into his throat, and Oikawa moaned. 

Kuroo felt good against his tongue and down his throat, and he drank eagerly when Kuroo came with a soft sigh. He was about to clean off Kuroo’s cock when Oikawa’s doorbell rang. He pulled on Ushijima’s jacket, big enough on him to cover his erection and balls, though his ass was bare for the world to see, and he went to answer the door with an annoyed sigh. 

With bright sunlight behind his head like a halo, Ushijima stood innocently on Oikawa’s front door step. He took one look at Oikawa, at his own volleyball team jacket he was wearing and nothing else, his long legs on full display, hair tossled and lips too red and swollen to be innocent, and then at Kuroo, who was now leaning against the back of the sofa, arms out along the top of it, and grinning wickedly, shirtless. 

“Sorry-“ Ushijima said quickly. “I’m interrupting.”

But Oikawa just flashed the other a smile and turned with a sway of his hips, flashing his ass as he invited Ushijima inside. 

He walked back over to Kuroo and straddled the man, eyes expectant on Ushijima. “Wanna join us?”

Ushijima went a little red and looked away from where his eyes had become locked on Oikawa’s creamy chest and pink nipple. 

“No, I just came to make sure you were all right after last night, but it seems you are.”

Oikawa groaned, the sentiment a little too sickly sweet for him, as he got off Kuroo’s lap again and walked towards Ushijima, not even bothering to close his jacket anymore. Ushijima took one short glance at his leaky, hard cock and quickly glanced away and up to the ceiling, his whole face going a little pale. Oikawa stood before him and sighed. 

“I’m fine, as you can see. Now if you’re gonna reject my offer for sex again, please leave so Kuroo can fuck me.” It was frustrating enough to be rock hard and not receiving attention, but he was really getting blue balls from the way Ushijima was acting, so brazenly denying him even as he was splayed out like a delicious feast before the man.

“Ah, that’s my jacket, by the way.”

“I know,” Oikawa said bluntly.

“Well... I need it- for practice.”

Oikawa grabbed at the collar and pressed it again to his face, only his eyes visible. Ushijima glanced at him, so much discomfort on his face. “I’m not giving it back to you,” Oikawa stated simply as he made a great show of sniffing at the collar, letting his eyelids flutter a little. “It’s mine now. Unless- you’d like to join me in the bedroom.”

“No, I can’t.”

“You really weren’t this opposed to it at Kuroo’s house party a few weeks ago.”

“Yeah, that was- that was a mistake.”

The words were like a slap to Oikawa’s face. No one had ever called getting with him a mistake, at least not to his face, except for Iwa-chan, but he didn’t count, cause he was just tsundere. 

“Wow,” he breathed out slowly, and even Kuroo made a small wincing sound. 

“No, I didn’t mean-!” Ushijima began when he realized his words. “I just wish it hadn’t been like that.”

“Like what?” Oikawa yelled now. His cock was going soft and he didn’t even care that he was on display for both of them to see as he reached up and smacked Ushijima hard across the face. “Get out of my fucking house.”

“No, Oikawa, listen-“ Ushijima tried again. Oikawa would have felt bad, knowing Ushijima wasn’t really good with words, but he didn’t want to hear his voice or see his face anymore. He didn’t care that Ushijima looked sad and frustrated with himself. He shoved Ushijima to the door and screamed, “Get the fuck out, and don’t ever act like you’re fucking concerned about me ever again, you dickhead. You’re the lowest!” He slammed the door so hard in Ushijima’s face that the whole apartment seemed to tremble and he stalked back into his living room. 

He could feel Kuroo watching him, opening his mouth to say something, but before the man could utter a sound, Oikawa breathed out in a low, threatening voice, “You too, Kuroo.”

Kuroo just nodded, accepting it as he zipped his pants back up and shuffled out of the apartment. “Thanks for letting me stay, Oikawa,” he said before he rushed out, and Oikawa thought about turning around and calling him back, making the man fuck him into oblivion, but instead he crumpled to the floor and sat there in a stupor, unsure of what to do with himself after that very painful rejection.

It wasn’t even like he should care, but the fact that Ushijima was so stubborn and wounding made Oikawa want to rage fuck him all the more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking back. Oikawa is still a fuck boy ;)
> 
> So this was originally one long chapter with the next one, so if it seems to cut off abruptly, that’s why. It was almost 5.5k words and I wanted some consistency in chapter lengths so I cut it in half :D
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying this cause I’m enjoying writing it ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I ask y’all for forgiveness yet?   
> I’m so sorry...

“You look nice,” Hanamaki whispered to Oikawa as the man slid into the chair beside him in the lecture hall. The cute English teacher stood up front and cast him a disapproving look for being late, and Oikawa was a little turned on by it. 

He beamed at Hanamaki and whispered, “God, I wish he’d look at me like that when he fucks me,” and the other boy chuckled into his palm. 

“What’s up with you?” Hanamaki asked as they gathered their books at the end of the lesson. Oikawa just smiled and leaned forward on his elbow.

“Wanna have some fun later?”

Hanamaki’s eyes lit up and he grinned. “I’ve got a late class that ends at 10.”

“Perfect,” whispered Oikawa, and Hanamaki pressed a kiss to his cheek before flitting off. 

From the front, someone called Oikawa’s name, and he whipped back with a lascivious smile on his lips. He stood and strutted down the steps towards his English teacher, letting Ushijima’s jacket billow around his swaying hips. 

“What is it, Sugar-sensei?”

“It’s Sugawara, Oikawa-kun,” the other sighed softly, but Oikawa ignored it and pressed a finger to Sugawara’s beauty mark, just under his eye. Sugawara blinked at him. 

“You look stressed, sensei,” Oikawa whispered seductively. 

Sugawara just smiled sweetly and said back honestly. “I am.”

Oikawa stepped closer. “I can help with that.” More coy seduction in the lilt of his voice and his half-lidded eyes.

But Sugawara just grabbed his wrist where it lay against his cheek and said calmly, “I just wanted to remind you that tardiness to my class will affect your grades, Oikawa-kun.”

Oikawa moaned and whispered, “Yes, sensei.” He moved back as if to leave, but then sat his butt down on the desk behind him, strewn now with Sugawara’s notes and books. “Say, sensei, I bet it would get me really hot and bothered if you talked to me like that while you fucked me.”

He ran a hand up his chest for emphasis. Sugawara just shook his head and said, “That’ll never happen.”

“Oh, you’d prefer me to fuck you instead?” Oikawa teased back, having missed this easy back and forth. 

“That-“ Sugawara breathed, “won’t happen either. Now, Oikawa-kun, if you’d please stand up so I can gather my notes; the next class is waiting for this space.”

And still Sugawara’s rejection didn’t hurt like Ushijima’s had. He simply hopped off the desk and ran his hand over Sugawara’s arm. “I’ll see you later, sensei. You can think about me the next time you jack off, ‘kay?”

And then he was gone before Sugawara could say anything else. He flitted past Kuroo, who stood in the hall waiting, part of the next class that Sugawara had mentioned, and he winked as he passed by.

Kuroo grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “What’s your plan, wearing Ushijima’s team jacket around school like that?” He made a pointed look at Ushijima’s name emblazoned on the back of the jacket.

“What?” Oikawa called innocently. “He gave it to me, and it’s comfy.”

Kuroo just sighed and rolled his eyes. “Behave yourself, Oikawa,” was all he said with no hope that Oikawa would even listen before he let go and shuffled into the lecture hall. Oikawa pulled the jersey back up his shoulder and caught the faint scent of Ushijima on the collar. 

Maybe if he knew himself what he was doing, he’d have told Kuroo. 

x

He slid on a pair of short jean overalls, more holes than fabric, and a tight crop top. He’d decided to go pay a visit to Iwa-chan at the gym before heading over to Hanamaki’s. He pulled on white thighs high socks with maroon rings at the top to match Ushijima’s jacket, which he shrugged on top before heading out the door, nothing but his phone and key in hand. 

He got a few looks from both guys and girls as he made his way across campus, winking at them all, and was pleased to hear the sound of sneakers on the gym floor when he got closer. Two voices drifted out as he rounded the corner of the gym to the open doors, and stepped inside the damp space. Even though the night air outside was a little chilly, it was warm with sweat and humidity inside. 

Two pairs of eyes looked up as he shifted his hips, his own sneakers squeaking against the floor. One went a little wide, the other neutral and betraying nothing. “Hi, Iwa-chan,” he cheered to the first pair of eyes, ignoring Ushijima completely, obviously, as he strutted forward. 

“Going somewhere?” asked Iwaizumi with an annoyed huff. 

“Mm, off to Hana’s for sex, unless you’re offering to do me instead.”

“Gross, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi bemoaned. He turned to Ushijima and smacked him on the chest. “Ignore the slut and let’s keep practicing.”

Oikawa swiveled his eyes to Ushijima and glared at him, shifting his hips again as if calling attention to the jacket he wore. But Ushijima’s face was blank, sighing as he finally turned away as well. 

“At least let me play with you!” Oikawa called after Iwaizumi, annoyed and digging his nails into his hips in an effort to hide it, but Iwaizumi waved him off. 

Oikawa stormed off and yelled, “Fuck you too, Iwa-chan. You’re a shit friend.”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes at Ushijima, who actually looked a little concerned. A look at the back of his jersey as Oikawa walked off and Iwaizumi said, “What the fuck did you do to him, Ushijima-kun?”

Ushijima just frowned and tossed the ball to Iwaizumi. 

x

Fuming, Oikawa stormed up to Hanamaki’s dorm room. “He’s not here yet,” his roommate Daichi informed him. 

“That’s fine,” he huffed as he slung an arm around Daichi’s neck. “You’ll do too.”

As if to affirm that he was indeed still as irresistible and as much of a sex symbol as he had always known himself to be, he crushed his lips and body against Daichi. He was so angry, but he wasn’t ready to admit to himself that a lot of his behavior recently was just a reflection of his anger at Ushijima. He was just having fun. 

“I’ve seen the way you look at me, Dai~chi,” he sang. Daichi just swallowed and finally nodded. He scooped Oikawa up and carried him to his bedroom. Daichi was a bit shorter than Oikawa, but he was a solid brick wall, and Oikawa just wanted someone to assure him that he was desirable. Fuck Ushijima. 

“This your boyfriend’s?” Daichi breathed into Oikawa’s neck as he helped him out of his jacket, looming big and wide over Oikawa’s slim frame.

Oikawa grabbed at his neck and laughed. “Really, Daichi?”

The other cast a glance upwards and then grinned. “Right.” He continued sucking hickeys into Oikawa’s skin. “Fuck, I’ve wanted to do it with you for a good while.”

“Well, congratulations, big boy,” Oikawa smirked down at him, and Daichi huffed in great attraction, sucking harshly at Oikawa’s collar bone, determined to leave a mark on him. 

It was a little astonishing to Oikawa how quickly Daichi fingered him open, all eagerness and excited tension, and Oikawa let himself get lost in the way Daichi was treating him. 

“Oikawa, I can’t wait,” Daichi husked as he pulled his fingers out and spread a condom over his cock, slicking himself up, patiently waiting for permission like a faithful dog. Oikawa found it really cute, almost imagining he could see tiny floppy puppy ears in the short dark hair. He reached up and rubbed his knuckles softly against Daichi’s striking jawline, smiling coyly up at him. 

“Come on, darling. I’ve been waiting all night.”

Daichi sat up a little prouder at the words and then lined his dick up, Oikawa spread wide and open on Daichi’s bed, smiling up at the other man. He reminded Oikawa a lot of Iwaizumi, and that made him instantly more attracted to this guy he barely knew save for short greetings and glances.

He slid inside Oikawa like he was afraid to break him and at some point, Oikawa just tossed his head back and laughed. “I’m not that fragile, baby doll. Come on, fuck me like you really want me bad.”

Daichi let out a slow heated breath, resolve steeling his face, and he slammed fully inside Oikawa. He squeaked a little, grinning widely up at Daichi as he whispered huskily, “Yeah, fuck, that’s the stuff.”

Daichi tossed his head back and looked about ready to cum already, and Oikawa smacked him across the chest, hard enough to leave a red mark. Daichi gasped and leaned forward on his hands, caging Oikawa in and he growled. “What’d you do that for?”

“You looked like my ass was sending you to Nirvana. I won’t let you be a one pump kind of guy. I don’t take too kindly to it.”

Daichi huffed, embarrassed, and he choked out a small, “Yeah, thanks.”

Oikawa reached up and gripped at his large biceps, admiring the way they bulged a little under his hands, and he thought he really did have a thing for guys who worked out and had something to show for it. 

“Come on, Daichi,” he egged the other on. 

He gathered himself for another moment and then set his hips going at a good pace. Oikawa tightened his grip on Daichi’s arms as his mouth fell open, moans slipping past red lips. He loved the way Daichi colored at his voice and tried that much more to pleasure Oikawa. 

Daichi was just in the middle of stealing a kiss from Oikawa’s lips when there was a soft creak as the door to Daichi’s room slowly opened. Hanamaki stepped just inside, arms folded as he leaned against the door frame and regarded the scene he’d just found. 

“Oh~ Maki, baby~” Oikawa crooned between thrusts. “Fuck- sorry, but I couldn’t resist sampling from this delicious honey pot.” He ran his fingers over Daichi’s arm to accentuate his point. 

Hanamaki just shrugged like he couldn’t disagree with Oikawa wanting to sample from that honey pot; he especially didn’t look upset when Oikawa curled his fingers and beckoned Hanamaki forward. 

“Daichi, hope you don’t mind-“

Daichi just grunted, his hips never having slowed, and he rolled his neck along with his hips, staring down at Oikawa with glassy eyes.

Hanamaki striped his clothes as he walked, soon naked in all of his beautiful glory - Oikawa would easily admit that Hanamaki had almost a prettier body than he did - and he reached behind himself and pulled something from between his ass cheeks, moaning as it slid out, long and black. He tossed the butt plug onto his discarded shirt on the floor and unceremoniously climbed atop Oikawa. Daichi blinked and stared in shock and disbelief, first at the black butt plug and then at his roommate, who was completely unfazed like he hadn’t just come home from class and pulled a sex toy out of his ass. 

He sank down on Oikawa and greeted Daichi like it was just another day and Oikawa groaned beneath them. He tightened around Daichi, who in turn shuddered and moaned. Hanamaki bounced his hips as he turned his sternum around to grab Daichi’s chin and kiss him long and hard. When he released the other man’s lips, he sighed low and long, and murmured, “Fuck, I’ve been wanting to do that since I met you.”

Then Hanamaki turned again and fell against Oikawa, their fingers entangling and lips colliding and Daichi was rewarded with Hanamaki’s ass spread open around Oikawa’s dick, the slick hardness of it as it disappeared and reappeared from Maki’s ass. He moaned and his hips began to go faster and harder like they had a mind of their own now. 

Daichi was unsurprisingly the first to come, but Oikawa followed soon after, Hanamaki sighing in disappointment as Oikawa went flaccid inside his ass. Daichi fell against his footboard and Oikawa mewled at him. 

Hanamaki still stiff and completely unsatisfied, turned away from Oikawa and clambered atop Daichi’s thick thighs. He made quick work removing the used condom, tying it and tossing it away, fishing out another and sinking his lips down on Daichi’s semi-soft dick, determined to suck him back to life and roll on the condom with his mouth. Daichi reacted fast, still full of hormone, and soon Hanamaki was lowering himself down on Daichi’s thick cock with a pleased sigh. 

Oikawa watched them, watched the way Hanamaki moved and Daichi lost himself. He slowly pressed a hand to his perineum and massaged at it, a pleasant buzz form his waning orgasm and the previous stimulation to his prostate. The other two kissed like they were hungry for each other and Oikawa almost felt like he was intruding, until Hanamaki called him over and he sat up and pressed his chest against Hanamaki’s small back, reached down now to circle at Hanamaki’s stuffed rim. The other two crooned and Hanamaki grabbed behind himself at Oikawa’s hair as he leaned forward again to French Daichi.

Oikawa listened to the small moans that Daichi made, the pleased hums from Hanamaki as the two finally came together, Hanamaki sated enough for now. He curled into Daichi’s arms and Oikawa pressed a kiss to his temple, gathering his clothes and slipping away quietly. 

He made his way back across campus and thought randomly that he could do with something sweet. There was a small crepe stand near the college’s bookstore and he made his way there, passing dorm buildings he recognized and didn’t. 

His eyes lit up when he saw Kuroo making his was back to his dorm with some heavy books in his arms, and he called out to him. 

“Oikawa, I’m tired,” Kuroo warned as he took one look at Oikawa’s outfit, but the brunet waved him off.

“I already got my goodies. I was going for crepes. I’ll treat you to one if you let me snuggle you for a bit.”

Kuroo nodded and switched the books he carried to his other arm, following after Oikawa now, who’d taken his hand and pulled him along. 

“Class?” Oikawa asked after ordering two crepes with far too many extra toppings, and Kuroo shook his head with a loaded sigh. 

“Study group for a project.”

“Oof,” Oikawa bemoaned his friend. 

Oikawa carried the two crepes back to Kuroo’s place and toed his sneakers off, tossing them unceremoniously as he plopped onto Kuroo’s couch. He frowned a little at the feel of it.

“I know, it’s nothing like your couch, which is hella comfy, b-t-dubs.”

“Of course it is,” Oikawa replied, bored. “Come sit your pretty ass down and make me more comfortable.”

Kuroo chuckled and put his books away, before strutting over in his harem pants and tee, and Oikawa groaned at him. 

“God, your fashion sense is awful but how the fuck do you still look so sexy?”

“It’s my face,” Kuroo replied easily as he slid to the couch and naturally slung his arm around OIkawa’s shoulder, grabbing a blanket to wrap him in for maximum good snuggles. Oikawa had taken a few bites of his crepe before Kuroo got to it, but he didn’t really care, happy enough to finish it off and half watch a crappy alien documentary with his friend. 

Oikawa was a pain in the ass most of the time, but he was good for downtime and a surprisingly good friend when it actually mattered. They’d met a few years ago via mutual friends, and Oikawa had just kind of stuck to him like glue. He didn’t really mind. As much as he griped about it, he enjoyed Oikawa’s company and even his flirtatious ways, especially if he could watch Oikawa flirt with literally everyone who breathed his way. 

He was a good guy, probably. 

But Kuroo was still better for putting up with it all.

After the show was over, Kuroo asked, “So, what’s up with you?” It wasn’t a casual question. 

Oikawa huffed and laughed. “Nothing.” Always a terrible liar when it came to his feelings.

“I’m not stupid. You’re still wearing Ushijima’s jacket, you look like you’ve been trying to get every guy you know in bed with you, and yet you’re still here with me eating crepes.”

Oikawa shrugged, nuzzling his chin into the blanket, stubborn. “Why do any of those things have to mean something’s up with me?”

Kuroo gave him a look. “Cause I know you. What are you scheming, Oikawa?”

Suddenly Oikawa huffed loudly and sat up. Kuroo’s arm flopped down to his hip and he blinked at Oikawa, not really surprised anymore. “Like, why the fuck won’t he sleep with me?! A mistake?! He said I was a mistake!”

“I was there and that’s not exactly-“

“Kuroo, no one’s ever gotten with me and regretted it before! Well, except Iwa-chan, but he’s a dumb ass.”

“Upgraded him from meanie?”

“Yeah, and Ushijima is even worse. Is it my fault that he’s always there, just being attractive as all get out? Of course I’d want to fuck him, but he’s all like, “Nooo, Oikawa~”!” He waved his hands in the air like he was acting out how Ushijima was, if the man was an angry cat. 

“Well, Oikawa, have you ever thought that maybe not everyone is into you?”

Oikawa balked like that definitely wasn’t the answer. Kuroo tried again.

“Maybe he’s not gay?”

“Oh, he’s very gay.”

“In denial?”

Oikawa hummed and nodded his head slowly at the possibility. 

Kuroo sat up and said finally, “Or, Oikawa, maybe he’s not into casual sex with drunk brats.”

Oikawa blinked at Kuroo, but the statement froze him and he couldn’t even offer a smart ass response. Kuroo patted at his head and helped him up off the couch. 

“I wouldn’t recommend sleeping on this couch, and I’ve got a test early tomorrow, so you should go home tonight. Go home and try to be a more conscientious person tomorrow, yeah?”

He took Oikawa’s hand and led him to the door, and Oikawa nodded slowly, waving at Kuroo as he watched the man walk to the stairs. 

He sighed and hoped Oikawa would listen to him for once in his damn life, but he found it highly unlikely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me @ Oikawa: Boi deal with your feelings in a healthier way


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wherein a lot of things happen

Kuroo’s suspicions were confirmed the next day. He was sitting around a table with his fellow Psych class students for their group project study group. They were out in one of the courtyards of the school, and Kuroo happened to glance up just as two figures walked out of the literature department building and entered the covered walkway. One was obviously hustling with places to be, the other stumbling after them with hurried steps. Kuroo groaned under his breath. 

“Sorry, guys, my friend is being an ass. I’ll be right back.”

The closer he got, the better he noticed Oikawa’s outfit. He was wearing what was probably a pair of girl’s volleyball shorts, a very thin white tee, and Ushijima’s jacket. It was amazing that he wasn’t freezing his butt off, but it had still been pleasantly warm out during the day. And Oikawa was Oikawa. 

At some point, the first person spun on Oikawa, and Kuroo recognized him as one of Oikawa’s teachers, and he huffed, “Oikawa-kun, this is highly inappropriate behavior, and your clothing choices are going downhill. Please remember that this is a learning institution and I am your teacher.”

“But, Sugar-sensei-“

Kuroo never let him finish what he was gonna say. He stepped up and grabbed Oikawa around the neck. “Sensei, I’m incredibly sorry for my friend.”

Sugar-sensei, though Kuroo doubted that was his actual name, blushed up at Kuroo. 

Oikawa looked up at Kuroo and grumbled, “Why are you here?” He looked over Kuroo’s shoulder and then went a little stiff. His head flew back to face the teacher and he grabbed at the man’s hand. His voice was soft when he said, “Listen, it’s just something casual. We’ll just help each other relieve some stress, and that’s that. Tell him, Kuroo, that I never get attached.”

Kuroo was beginning to doubt it, but he just shrugged anyways. “Yeah, he’s very skilled at casual.”

The teacher glanced down at their joined hands and then up at Kuroo, blushing again. Kuroo raised a hand. 

“Don’t mind me. I’m just here to drag him away, but if you’d rather take him, that’s fine, too. I don’t judge or tell.”

Sugar-sensei glanced around at the people in the courtyard and finally pulled his hand back, but his voice wasn’t very convincing anymore when he said, “Please stop this, Oikawa-kun. I’m your teacher and you’re a student. It would be inappropriate.”

Oikawa smiled, that tiny little smirk he sometimes got when he knew he’d won, and he leaned in a little to whisper, “All right, but I’ll see you later, sensei.”

The teacher colored again and whirled around, walking away with great purpose. Kuroo released a long-suffering sigh as soon as the door shut behind the fair haired man. 

“What the fuck are you wearing, Oikawa?” The brunet blinked innocently up at him, and he shook his head. “Just go home.”

“I’ve got another class.”

“Then go change.”

Just then Hanamaki came up behind the two and grabbed at Oikawa’s ass. Too loud, he said, “Looking hot, Asskawa.”

Oikawa’s whole face lit up and he flung himself at his friend. “Hana, baby!”

Kuroo could tell several people and everyone from his study group was staring now. 

“Hanamaki, will you take Oikawa home to change?” Kuroo asked quietly, pointedly.

The soft pink-haired male stared at him. At least _he_ got the hint to be quieter. “Why? He looks fine to me.” Kuroo looked over the tight high waisted jeans and loose tank crop top the other wore and rolled his eyes. Of course Hanamaki would find nothing wrong with Oikawa’s outfit. 

“Kuroo, baby, I know what you’re thinking,” Oikawa said suddenly as he turned back to the taller male. He pressed a hand against Kuroo’s chest, and leaned up to press a kiss to Kuroo’s cheek. “But I’m just living my life, so stop worrying so much about me.”

Then he took Hanamaki’s hand and waltzed off with the other man, their heads leaned together as they whispered to each other. Ushijima’s name was the last thing everyone in the courtyard saw before Oikawa and Hanamaki disappeared through a door. Kuroo turned back to his group with a sigh. 

Ushijima’s face was dark, a storm cloud brewing over his head, and Kuroo thought that Oikawa actually didn’t know what he was getting himself into. 

x

Oikawa was actually having fun with it. He’d figured out where Ushijima was most likely to appear, and he was given the excuse to wear the shortest shorts and shirts in his closet. 

He was in the middle of seducing Sugawara again, when a rough pair of hands grabbed at him and pulled him away from the teacher. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you, shitface?”

“Oh, hi, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa giggled. The other man was very close to his face, clenching a fist into his jacket. “Careful, darling, you’ll stretch Ushi’s jacket.”

“Do you realize that you’re making Ushijima and the whole volleyball team look bad?! Strutting around like a fucking slut in our team jacket, carrying on like you’d fuck a brick of it looked at you.”

“I wouldn’t fuck a-“ Oikawa began with a laugh, but Iwaizumi shut him up with a hard slap to his face. 

“Take the jacket off, Oikawa, and for _fucking once_ be a decent human being.”

Oikawa’s whole face lit up with anger and he shoved Iwaizumi down. He was on him in a second, and his punch was nothing to laugh about. Iwaizumi’s whole face lit up with pain and his vision whited out for a moment. He could barely make out Oikawa going in for another punch, more blooming pain, before someone pulled him off Iwaizumi. 

“Fuck you, Iwaizumi! I’m sick and tired of everyone telling me what to do! Fucking take the jacket, I don’t even give a shit anymore! You and Ushijima can go rot in hell for all I fucking care!” His voice was going high and crazy the longer he yelled, his eyes lit and wet with indignation, and Iwaizumi wondered for a moment if he’d gone too far. Sugawara was gripping on to Oikawa but looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. Oikawa wrenched out of his arms and nearly tore the jacket off his body, tossing it square at Iwaizumi’s face. To add insult to injury, the metal zipper hit him right under his eye, where he could already feel a bruise forming. Oikawa stormed off and Sugawara helped Iwaizumi to his feet. 

“Let me get you some ice-“ 

But Iwaizumi waved him off and stalked away. “You’ve done enough, sensei. Sorry to be a bother.”

Oikawa stormed, cold now, across campus. Someone called his name, but he didn’t even hear it until an arm pulled him back and forced him to stop. “Jesus, Oikawa,” Kuroo breathed, and Oikawa burst into tears. Kuroo quickly shrugged his jacket off and put it around Oikawa’s trembling shoulders, pulling the hood up and over to hide Oikawa’s crocodile tears. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

Oikawa collapsed onto his couch and Kuroo rummaged around for some hot cocoa mix to make to calm the hysterical man down. When it was done, Oikawa chugged it in one go and finally stopped crying, at least, though he looked no better emotionally.

“Iwa-chan yelled at me and slapped my face,” he sniffled as Kuroo sat beside him. He snuggled up to the other’s side and rubbed his nose into Kuroo’s hoodie. “I wasn’t trying to do anything bad! I just wanted Ushijima to sleep with me! This could all have been avoided-“

This time Kuroo smacked him. It was softer and upside the head, but it did the job of shutting Oikawa up. “Don’t blame your stupidity on someone else. This was all you, Oikawa.”

The man pressed his lips together but didn’t say anything back.

“Oikawa, I hope you realize how out of hand this whole thing’s gotten. I warned you-“

“Yeah,” Oikawa whispered meekly. 

“And Iwaizumi probably had every right to be angry and hit you.”

“Yeah, probably...”

Kuroo fell silent for a moment, and then he sighed. “Oikawa, do you think this obsession with Ushijima- maybe you like him.”

Oikawa pulled away in horror and sputtered our denials. “What the fuck?! No way! Ew!”

Kuroo just rolled his eyes. “Right, you just want to sleep with him?”

“Yeah, and he won’t, so I’m just-“ His words trailed off like he’d lost them.

“Just what, Oikawa?”

Oikawa turned away and huffed, “I don’t like him!”

Kuroo sighed again and said, “Sure, sure.

“Just be good from now on, Oikawa.”

“I’ll try,” and Kuroo hoped he could actually believe him this time. 

x

Oikawa actually had to dress warmly now, no longer able to rely on Ushijima’s jacket, so he put on a tight shirt and some loose high waisted jeans for class. He cuffed them and put on his sneakers, shrugging into a too large knit cardigan. He walked to campus, actually on time, and ran up to Hanamaki when he saw him. Daichi was beside him, and he smiled at the pair as he linked arms with Hanamaki.

“You’re wearing actual clothes,” Hanamaki noted, a little disappointed, but he quickly smiled and patted Oikawa’s hand. Then Oikawa watched him return his hand to Daichi’s, the dark haired man blushing. 

“So, are you two dating now?” he asked with his first genuine smile in a long while. 

Hanamaki hummed. “Trying it out. It’s a pretty open thing right now.”

Oikawa looked up at Daichi and smiled. “Congrats, my dudes.” More blushing from Daichi, Hanamaki elbowing him softly in the ribs with a big smile on his lips. 

Daichi split off before they got to the literature building, headed to another class. Oikawa watched them share a kiss and quiet words, and pulled a face when Hanamaki turned back to him. 

“Shut up, Oikawa. It’s actually really nice.” Oikawa could believe it, watching the two of them, and there was a slightly bitter taste in his mouth. 

“If I can find a good guy like Daichi, maybe I’ll try it out.”

“What about that Ushijima guy whose jacket you’ve been sporting?”

Oikawa made another face as he linked his arm with Hanamaki again. “Ushijima is _not_ a good guy. He’s rude and insensitive, and he doesn’t even wanna kiss me.”

Hanamaki looked at Oikawa’s profile. “Well, shit, Oikawa, do you love him or something?”

Oikawa huffed angrily and glared at Hanamaki. “Not you too!”

“So I’m not the first person who’s suspected that you like the guy?” Hanamaki asked as if that alone was enough to prove his point. Oikawa rolled his eyes. 

“I have loco friends. You’re all insane. I don’t _like_ the bastard!”

“Sure, sure. But for a guy who hates this Ushijima so much, you sure like to wear his jacket and talk about him a lot.”

Oikawa pushed Hanamaki away and quickened his step. “Friendship over unless you stop talking shit!” he yelled over his shoulder as he hustled to class. 

x

Sugawara called Oikawa down after class to have a word with him. “Walk with me to my office,” he told the other as he gathered his notes and books.

Oikawa winked at him. “Sure thing, sugar.”

Sugawara groaned and said, “Not for that.”

Oikawa walked past Kuroo’s study group again, walking behind Sugawara, and he waved at Kuroo, who looked beyond relieved to see him wearing actual pants. He didn’t give a second glance to Ushijima, who was probably relieved to see Oikawa no longer sporting his jersey. He turned back to stare at the back of Sugawara’s head. 

_They think I like him? What fucking bullshit._ They didn’t know him at all if they thought that, or they had a few screws loose.

Sugawara closed the door of his office behind Oikawa and motioned for him to sit in one of the guest chairs in front of his desk. He took the other one and sat down with a careful smile. 

“Oikawa-kun, you’re a good student, but I think we both know that you could be doing better.”

Oikawa rubbed at his temple and sighed. 

“But that’s not what I wanted to discuss.” Sugawara waited until Oikawa looked up at him again. “Did you apologize to your friend?”

Oikawa huffed and turned his face away. He was beginning to brew with anger again, until soft fingertips pressed gingerly against his slightly swollen cheek. 

“Looks like it hurts.” 

Oikawa turned into Sugawara’s hand and tilted his head. “It stings a little. Sorry you had to see that.”

Sugawara actually laughed softly, his voice a pleasant twinkling sound. “You throw a pretty mean punch, Oikawa-kun.”

Oikawa chortled and winked at Sugawara. “I’m stronger than I look.” He sat closer to the edge of his seat and pressed his own hand over Sugawara’s on his cheek. 

“I’m glad to see you’re behaving a little better now,” Sugawara said with a small smile. 

Oikawa leaned forward and brushed his free hand over Sugawara’s knee. “I can be bad for you.” His voice was low and husky. “Don’t try to pretend you’re not interested. And now we’re alone, no one will bother us here.”

Sugawara sighed, but he leaned closer to Oikawa too. “You’re a devil, Oikawa-kun.”

“Yeah,” Oikawa whispered as he cupped Sugawara’s cheek and kissed him slowly. He’d prove to everyone that he was still the exact same Oikawa. He didn’t have feelings, he kept it casual. He pulled Sugawara into his lap and circled an arm around his hips, holding Sugawara’s other hand still to his cheek, and slowly deepened the kiss. Sugawara kissed him back eagerly, letting Oikawa nip at his lips and lick into his mouth. Their tongues curled together and they pressed closer, heat trapped between their two bodies. 

Oikawa dropped both of his hands to Sugawara’s shirt and slowly unbuttoned it, running his hot hands up the teacher’s cool, pale skin. He kissed down his neck and Sugawara tipped his head back, small little noises of breathy pleasure escaping into the air. Oikawa sucked at his collar bone and his nipples, his hands working to undo Sugawara’s pants. Sugawara gasped high and airy when Oikawa slipped a hand into his boxer briefs and palmed at his cock, and Oikawa leaned back up to capture and taste that sound with his lips. He let his free hand roam over Sugawara’s chest and back as he pumped his other hand over his cock. One of Sugawara’s hands clenched into his brown hair, and he whimpered into Oikawa’s mouth, needy.

Oikawa was hard in his jeans, so he pulled back for a moment and huffed at Sugawara to do him too. The teacher fumbled for a moment with his jeans, pushing up his shirt before pulling his pants down enough to get to Oikawa’s cock. He wrapped two hands around Oikawa’s erection, his hips stuttering against Oikawa’s hand, and Oikawa closed their lips over each other again, drinking in his soft gasp of pleasure. 

Oikawa was getting close. He kissed more urgently at Sugawara, pulling him down by the back of the head for deeper kisses, and Sugawara came with Oikawa’s tongue sliding along his own. Oikawa pulled back and drank up his high, breathy moans as he splurted into the tissue Oikawa cupped over his cock, and then he took over on his own cock, catching his cum with another tissue. Sugawara slumped against his shoulder as he buttoned up his pants, warm hands pressed under his shirt, and he pressed his face into the crook of Sugawara’s neck. 

“So, feel less stressed, sensei?”

Sugawara chuckled, sounding a bit sleepy, and hummed. “Yeah, thank you.”

“Any time, sensei. We could even go further next time,” he winked. 

Sugawara sat up and blushed, Oikawa finding it really cute, as he zipped up his slacks and re-buttoned his shirt and tucked it in again. Oikawa watched him and then grinned up at Sugawara. “You’re really darn cute, sensei.”

And he was a good guy. Maybe he could make it work with him. He frowned to himself even at the mere thought of it. Why did it not sit right with him? Sugawara was really cute, nice, stable... 

He sighed and Sugawara climbed off his lap, and Oikawa stood and gathered his book bag. “I should go,” he said, stepping away before changing his mind and turning back. He hooked an arm around Sugawara’s waist and pulled the other against himself, kissing him again. He smiled and whispered, “See you later, sensei,” and then he walked out. 

There was a hollow pit in his stomach and he left feeling unsatisfied, Sugawara’s words heavy on his mind as he made his way back to his loft. 

x

The breeze was especially chilly right against the side of the gym where Oikawa stood. He wrapped his sweater tighter around his body and waited, his back against the outer wall. Slowly, volleyball team members started to straggle out, and after a few minutes, Iwaizumi walked past. Oikawa called his name and Iwaizumi stopped and turned. His face was a mosaic of purple and yellow, his left eye still a little swollen, and Oikawa visibly winced.

“What do you want, Shittykawa?” Iwaizumi huffed. 

“Does it hurt a lot?” he asked softly, pointing to his own face.

“What do you think?” Iwaizumi grumbled, but he stepped closer to Oikawa anyways. Oikawa bit at his lip and crossed his arms. 

“Listen, I- I shouldn’t have hit you. I mean, you deserved it, but you only slapped me, so two punches was probably overkill.”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, but Oikawa had never really apologize before, and this was the best he could do without hurting his own ego. 

“Sorry I was a little shit.”

“Yeah, you were,” huffed Iwaizumi, but the smallest smile graced his lips despite his words. 

“Can we go back to me annoying the crap out of you and you being a rude butt?”

Iwaizumi laughed. “Yeah, I guess. Though I’m still pretty mad at you.”

“Well, I apologized, so I don’t know what else you want from me.”

Iwaizumi glanced over Oikawa’s shoulder and sighed. “I guess I gotta do everything for you two.” His eyes shifted back to Oikawa and he said, “Apologize to him,” before stalking off. 

Oikawa whipped around just as Ushijima walked out of the gym. The man grabbed his arm and said, “Let me talk to you for a bit, Oikawa.”

Oikawa let himself be led along, pretending like he didn’t like how hot Ushijima’s hand on his arm made him feel. Ushijima led him to the benches in the gym and sat down, waiting for Oikawa to follow suit. 

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding,” was the first thing he said. His eyes were locked on Oikawa, and heat raced down his spine at the gaze. 

“Okay?” Oikawa said finally when the other offered no more words.

“It’s not that I didn’t enjoy what happened between us at Kuroo’s party. I chose the wrong words.”

“So then what did you mean to say?” Oikawa ignored the thrill in his heart.

Ushijima sighed and rucked a hand over his face and through his hair, Oikawa’s eyes following the movement. 

“Listen, Oikawa, I’m not into drunk hook-ups and casual sex. And I- I don’t want to do those things with you if you’re inebriated or your intention is just a one time thing.”

Oikawa held his breath. “So what, you’d do it with me if I wasn’t drunk? You’d do it with me now?”

“Are you saying you’ll be my boyfriend?”

Oikawa blinked at Ushijima.

“No open relationship stuff or sleeping around. You’re saying you’re fine with dating just me?”

“Ew, no! Monogamy is gross!”

Ushijima sighed and stood. “Well, then I’d prefer it if you left me alone.”

Oikawa opened his mouth and shut it again, and then he barked out a laugh. “Wait, Ushiwaka, are you saying you _like me_? Like, _like me, like me_?” 

He laughed again, but Ushijima said nothing for a moment.

“I just don’t want to see you sleeping around anymore. Be more respectful to yourself, Oikawa.” And then he was gone, and Oikawa felt more confused than when they’d started talking. 

x

It’d been weeks now. Oikawa had finals coming up and he spent his days going to class and studying, and at night, he’d find a different bed to sleep in. He was frantically trying to grasp at something that kept slipping between his fingers. He was doing the same thing he always did, so why did he feel unsatisfied and dirty? 

Tonight it was some guy named Kenji that he’d met at a party and had said he was cute, and he’d kissed him, and now he was in his bed. He lay beside the heaving man, the last wave of his orgasm dissipating slowly, and he felt so hollow. He scrubbed at his face and turned away to hide tears of frustration in his fists. Ever since people had started assuming he must be in love with Ushijima, ever since he’d talked to the man, ever since that damn jacket- Why couldn’t he just fuck whoever he wanted and feel really good? Why did he have to feel so shitty like this? 

Ushijima’s words rang like a depressing mantra in his head. “Be more respectful to yourself.” Fuck it.

Oikawa was the most respectful person. He respected himself more than anyone else respected themselves, definitely more than anyone else had ever respected him. What was so wrong with wanting to feel good, to not be tied down to a probable heartbreak, to just be happy?

Kenji pressed against his back and murmured into his ear, just heated words of lust, and Oikawa felt like he might vomit. He turned to tell the other he was leaving and lips crashed against his own. His eyes shuttered closed and he clung desperately to Kenji, fisting at his short hair in a desperate attempt to make Ushijima shut up, to feel something. 

A wet tongue slid over his lips and he felt the bile rise in his stomach. He almost fell off the bed in his hurry to get away, sprinting to the bathroom. Nothing came out, though, as the nausea eased, and he slowly picked himself up off the floor. He walked back into Kenji’s room and whispered, “I’m gonna go.”

Kenji was quick to sit up and take Oikawa’s hand, not reading the room at all as he begged, “No, just stay. We had a good time, didn’t we? We had fun?”

Oikawa shook his head, fisting a hand into his bangs and groaning softly. Kenji stood and hugged him. 

“We could be so good together, Oikawa.”

Oikawa pushed him away then, hard, Kenji’s ankle smacking against his bed frame as he tumbled back and yelped in pain. 

“I don’t date one night stands.”

In his pain and anger, Kenji screamed, “Well, I don’t date sluts! Get the fuck out, shitface!”

And Oikawa had never been happier to get kicked out. 

He stumbled home. His loft was empty, lonely, so cold. He curled up in his bed and thought he too was empty, lonely, and cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are liking this fic. Please leave me some comments of encouragement or feedback, it always helps to hear what you guys think :D 
> 
> <3


	5. Chapter 5

“Holy shit, you look terrible, Oikawa.” Hanamaki leaned over the table in their English class and peered into Oikawa’s face. He wore a ratty hoodie pulled over his head, probably stolen from Kuroo or Iwaizumi, sweat pants, and glasses. His hair was a mess under his hood and he barely glanced up at Hanamaki. He leaned into his friend instead, seeking some kind of comfort. Hanamaki seemed startled, but he slowly wrapped a hand around Oikawa’s slim shoulders. 

“Have you lost weight, Oikawa?” the other asked in slow concern. Oikawa just hummed at him, cause honestly, who knew. He didn’t even really look in the mirror anymore these days. He spent his time studying. Studying and sleeping, both activities ten feet away from each other, and the only time he left his apartment was to go to class in ratty clothes, glasses, and a gloomy expression. He didn’t need anyone feeling bad for him, so he kept up the facade with Kuroo and everyone else he could physically avoid, acting like he was having a blast and a half. 

“Don’t tell,” he said to Hanamaki, the other nodding somberly. “I’m fine.”

And Hanamaki accepted the lie because he didn’t know how to deal with the truth. They weren’t those kind of friends, after all, and Oikawa had already realized that sex wasn’t gonna fix this gaping wound. 

After class, Sugawara called him to his office. 

“What’s wrong?” he said as soon as he closed the door behind himself. Oikawa just stared off into the abyss, unwilling to engage with Sugawara, who would likely drag the whole truth out of him. Instead he laughed dryly and said, “Ever have something stuck in your head and you can’t figure out how to get it out?”

Sugawara frowned as he went to sit down behind his desk. He leaned forward and made a pyramid with his hands. “What, like a bad song?”

“Yeah, like that,” said Oikawa simply. 

They were silent for a long time, Sugawara finally realizing that Oikawa wasn’t willing to share shit, and then he smiled softly. “How are your studies going?”

“Excellent.” It was ironic that only Oikawa’s studies would remains strong and flourish when his whole life fell apart around him.

Sugawara sighed softly and then stood and came around his desk. He reached down and took Oikawa’s hand in his own, kneeling down before him. 

“I’m worried about you.”

“Cause I look like shit? I’m just tired; I’m fine.”

“You don’t look like shit.” Sugawara reached up and brushed his hoodie down. “You actually look really cute in glasses. You should wear them more often.”

Oikawa laughed wryly, but there was a warmth spreading in his gut like maybe all he’d been craving was genuine kindness. 

“You look like you haven’t eaten much though.”

Oikawa grimaced. Sugawara sat up on his knees and cupped Oikawa’s face. “Don’t you have someone you can talk to, Oikawa?” No, never mind, fuck this man and his kindness. It was painful. 

“I know exactly what my friends would say if I told them what I was feeling, and I don’t need to hear it. I don’t need ‘I told you so’s.”

“Well, then, you can tell me?”

Oikawa sighed and pressed his hands over Suga’s, soaking in the warmth as his eyes shut tight. In the smallest voice, he whispered, “Sugawara-sensei, I’m so lonely.”

As soon as he said those first words, the rest came tumbling out whether he wished to stop it or not. “There’s someone... that I want. Someone I don’t want to want. But my heart hurts without him and I can’t make it stop.” He sobbed aloud, bitting his lips to keep the dam from breaking. “Love is so messy and I had always promised myself, that I’d never do that to myself, not again. That I’d never love someone, because everyone would always leave me. When they realize I’m a terrible person, when they realize I have shit for a personality and all I’ve really got is my face and that’s only for a little while anyways.”

He huffed and then yelled to the ceiling, “Eeeewww!”

He sniveled his feelings back inside and suddenly Sugawara was climbing into his chair and he grabbed Oikawa and hugged him so tight that Oikawa thought the man would crush him. 

When the teacher pulled back, Oikawa reached up and gripped at his face and pulled him down, desperate for love and warmth even if it wasn’t from the person he wanted it from and even if that same love and worth made his eyes hurt and his chest burn with unuttered sobs. Suga’s lips were warm and soft and even his kiss was kind, and Oikawa thought he could pretend that he was fine again and that he didn’t hurt inside. 

When he finally pulled away, Sugawara whispered, “Why don’t you just take a chance and tell him how you feel?”

“Wouldn’t rejection hurt a million times worse than this emptiness?” Oikawa tilted his head and smiled, his eyes hollow as he looked up at Sugawara. 

“It would be really nice if I’d fallen in love with you instead,” he whispered to the beautiful silver haired angel on his lap, and then he sat up and hugged Sugawara tight. He stood and deposited his feet on the floor and then turned and walked out. 

“Thank you, sensei.”

x

“Hey, I know it’s really late, but we wanted to throw a party for Kuroo’s birthday.”

“That was like... two weeks ago...”

The person on the other end of the line sighed. “Yeah, but finals... We didn’t celebrate last year either and I feel like he could use a night out.” Kiyoko sounded tired herself, but then, she would be, coming up on her last final of college. 

“Okay, what do you wanna do?” Oikawa sighed softly. He had one final left too, tomorrow actually, and he thought he could be presentable after that. Surprisingly, his talk with Sugawara had helped a lot. He’d gone home and cried into a bucket of ice cream and woken up feeling almost new again. 

“Good,” Kiyoko said, and Oikawa could hear the smile in her voice. “I’ll send you the details, yeah?”

“Mm,” Oikawa hummed and hung up. From where he sat by his desk, he stared into his open closet and planned out an actual outfit to wear. 

x

Oikawa pushed his glasses up his nose and fixed the collar of his peacoat. His scarf was soft and fluffy and pressed around his jaw, and he wore extra socks in his brown boots. Winter had come with a vengeance, a cold front sweeping in while Oikawa had holed himself up in his apartment. He stuffed his hands into his pocket and stepped into the pub. It was one of those traditional places where you sat on cushions on the floor and he was actually excited for the food, since he’d heard amazing reviews. He didn’t have a present for Kuroo but he planned to pay the man’s tab for the evening, so he thought that was fine. He’d already discussed it with Kiyoko. 

The place was warm and cozy inside, and he handed off his coat and scarf to the lady at the front desk. He wore slim dark wash jeans, tucked into his boots, and a navy blue and white polka dot button up with a large grey cardigan. The lady blushed a little when he winked at her, seeing her eyes linger, and she turned quickly to lead him inside. Kiyoko and Kuroo were already there, and he beamed down at his friends as he grabbed a seat next to the girl. 

“Happy birthday, doofus,” Oikawa cheered. “Glad to see you survived finals. How many did you bomb?”

Kuroo rolled his eyes even as he laughed. “I’ll have you know I only got one C, and it was in an elective class.”

“Wow, a C on an elective class final!” Kiyoko cooed at him, Oikawa joining in with shocked gasps and awed faces. 

“Kuroo, you’re so smart! God, please marry me and let me have your babies!”

“Shut the fuck up, Oikawa,” he laughed. “What, I don’t see your face for weeks on end and this is the greeting I get? That hurts.”

Oikawa reached across the table and grasped Kuroo’s hand, tilting his head and sticking out his bottom lip in sympathy as he pressed a hand to his heart. “Sorry, darling, I was just so flustered by your beauty. Did you do something to your hair? Style it perhaps?”

Kuroo tossed a straw wrapper at him and they all burst into laughter. 

_See, I’m fine_ , Oikawa thought to himself with a proud smile. 

They ordered the first round of beer as some of Kuroo’s classmates showed up. Hanamaki and Daichi showed up and nabbed the spots next to Oikawa, and soon Oikawa had forgotten all about his misery. Ushijima, who? Finals, what?

Hanamaki ordered him a shot to celebrate his recovery and Oikawa ordered Kuroo two in return, and everyone cheered when they were downed. Oikawa was feeling really good. 

Kiyoko glanced at her watch after the third round of beer and frowned. Oikawa was the only one who noticed, and he whispered to her, “What’s wrong?”

“He’s not usually late...” she mumbled to herself. 

“Who?” he asked, but he never got to hear her answer. 

“Sorry I’m late,” said a voice from across the table and Oikawa froze. 

“Ushi! Holy shit, boy!” Kuroo jumped up and yelled, too loud and drunk. “Oh, I know where you should sit!”

Oikawa was scared to look as people shuffled around and Kuroo pointed straight at the now empty seat next to him. Oikawa turned to Hanamaki and tossed him a look of angry betrayal. 

Ushijima whispered, “Excuse me,” as he slid into the empty spot next to Oikawa, and he took a moment to gather himself. He tossed back the rest of his beer before turning to Ushijima and grinning wide like a fool. 

“Hey, Ushiwaka! Did you miss me?”

And fuck, he was warm against his arm and he smelled insanely good like he’d just showered and he was wearing a v-neck shirt that hugged his muscles and Oikawa forgot what breathing was. But he wasn’t going to let this beat him. He pressed his jaw into the palm of his hand and stared up at Ushijima through thick eyelashes. 

“Hey, Oikawa,” was his only response, and Oikawa felt that was plenty enough interaction. He had to show his friends that he could sit next to Ushijima and not fawn over him. That he was _over it_. Because that’s what he’d told everyone here to get them off his back about the man, and now he had to act it out. 

He giggled when he played footsie with Kuroo, who smacked him when he realized it was him. He ducked down and begged for mercy in a squeaky voice and then called for another round of beer and appetizers. 

Ushijima drank his alcohol slow, though Oikawa could imagine the man was a tank and wouldn’t even be fazed by the amount of alcohol he’d himself consumed. The drunker he got, the easier it was to ignore the warmth of the man next to him and the pounding of his heart when Ushijima chose to speak. He focused his attention to Kiyoko, and later climbed around Ushijima’s back to crawl into Daichi’s lap. He flung his arm around the man and began making out with him as everyone catcalled, “Ooh, Daichi’s been caught by the No-Mercy Kiss-kawa!”

Kuroo begged to know if Hanamaki was gonna save his boyfriend, but the pink haired man just shrugged and grinned. 

“Nah, it’s hot. And Daichi likes Oikawa, so-“

“Oohhh!” everyone yelled out like it was the sickest burn and Oikawa let himself get lost in Daichi’s kiss, in his arms around Oikawa’s hips, until Kiyoko pulled the two apart and told Oikawa to behave as she dragged him back to his seat. “It’s Kuroo’s birthday, not yours!”

“Then I should kiss Kuroo!” he hooted and everyone cheered and smacked their fists against the table as they chanted his and Kuroo’s name and he could feel Ushijima’s disappointment and judgement, but it was fine. He was just having a good time. 

Kuroo met him halfway as they leaned over the table and Oikawa went right in with the French kissing, grabbing at Kuroo’s messy bed head and moaning obnoxiously into his mouth. Kuroo too, was acting it up, and everyone around the table was catcalling them and recording video to be posted on Snapchat probably. Everyone but Ushijima. 

But Oikawa ignored him when he sat back down and grinned instead at Kuroo, whose lips were mighty red and swollen, his eyes glazed over, his cheeks flushed with alcohol, and smiling wide from ear to ear. 

Another round of dumplings and takoyaki was ordered, more alcohol too, and Oikawa ordered Kuroo a small cake only to scrape off the frosting and smear it into his face. 

He didn’t remember much after that, and at some point he fell back and actually went to sleep. Kiyoko shook him awake a little later and he handed her his wallet so she could pay, drunkenly telling her to pay for everyone’s, which thankfully she deemed to be Drunk Oikawa talking and didn’t do, and when she came back, she designated herself to getting Kuroo home and Ushijima to Oikawa, and he fell back asleep. 

Ushijima jostled him, tried to get Oikawa to walk, completely unsuccessfully, and then when Oikawa woke again, he was pressed against a warm, broad back, and he clung to the fabric of Ushijima’s jacket as the man piggy backed him back to his apartment. 

He dreamed about Ushijima, and at some point he probably mumbled aloud, “I like you, Ushibaka,” but maybe he just said it in his dream. 

Ushijima calling back, “I like you too, Oikawa, but you’re drunk,” was definitely part of his dream. 

And then he woke up with a major hangover and a pounding headache, his bladder full to beyond bursting and his stomach threatening to empty out on his sheets, and he barely made it to his bathroom. He puked into the toilet but also some on his shirt and hands and then striped his clothes off and clambered into the shower, sobbing his heart out as hot water cascaded over his shivering and broken body.


	6. Chapter 6

Christmas was creeping up on them and slowly the campus and the small town around it were emptying of students. Oikawa didn’t want to go home, and he knew that there were a few other students staying behind as well, whether to just work or get away from their home life. 

He currently sat in a small coffee shop just outside of town, Sugawara sitting across from him sipping on a pour over coffee. Oikawa had his hands folded around his own mug of chai tea. He definitely didn’t need that much caffeine in his system since sleep had been evading him lately. 

Sugawara was hiding his face behind his hands and he said softly, “We probably shouldn’t even be doing this, Oikawa.”

It was the younger one who’d called him out, because of everything he’d tried so far to forget and numb his pain, alcohol and Sugawara were the best antidotes, and it was highly frowned upon to drink at 10 in the morning, on an empty stomach and barely any sleep. Sugawara scooched his chair closer to the corner to hide, incidentally also getting closer to Oikawa, and he glanced up at him under the brim of his baseball cap. It was amazing how adorable the other looked in a cable knit sweater and ball cap. His silver hair looked incredibly soft. 

Oikawa pushed at his glasses; he couldn’t be bothered with contacts anymore since his eyes were so irritated, and sighed. 

“You look like you haven’t been sleeping, Oikawa.”

“Cause I haven’t.”

“Is it because of-“ He began softly, but Oikawa cut him off.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Sugawara’s face scrunched up as if to ask, “Then what am I here for?” He was silent for all of two seconds before he said, “Did you at least try telling him?”

“I had a dream I told him how I felt,” Oikawa murmured quietly, accepting that Sugawara was just going to make him talk. 

“And?”

Oikawa hummed at the memory, equally wonderful and painful. “He said he liked me too.” He gave a dry laugh.

“Well, maybe you can try telling him for real. What have you got to lose?”

Oikawa sighed and stared down at his mug. “It’s not really about our feelings, sensei. The problem is that he wants a me that doesn’t exist.”

Sugawara’s eyebrows crinkled in confusion. “What does that mean?”

“Well, you know how I am. He wants a good boy Oikawa who can fall in love with one person and who can be sweet and not crude and doesn’t make out with every guy around him as soon as he even looks at booze.”

“So he likes you.”

“No. Don’t get confused, Sugawara. He likes someone who doesn’t exist, a fantasy version of who I am. He doesn’t like _me_.”

Sugawara sighed. “So what you’re telling me is that you both like each other but he’s asked you for things that you don’t want to give him so you’re both suffering?”

Oikawa laughed bitterly. “I’m the only one suffering. Ushijima is absolutely fine.” He swirled his mug a little. “I just wanted to fuck him. I don’t need commitment or a relationship. I just want him, physically.”

“You know that’s a lie, Oikawa.”

God, even Sugawara now was reading him like he knew exactly what Oikawa himself didn’t want to admit. “Well, that’s how it was in the beginning.”

“And now?” Sugawara asked as he twirled a slim finger around the rim of his cup. 

“What does it matter? Even if I want to date him and I’ve got these feelings, I’ll ruin it sooner rather than later or he’ll get sick of me, or realize the fantasy of me was always better. And _that_ , that is why I am suffering.

“Because I’ll get over _this_ eventually and I’ll never have to deal with breaking up and the emotions of it, the eventual heart break, which might kill me.”

“But you’re just assuming things about a relationship that you haven’t even tried to start yet. What if it’s really good? What if you both love each other for a long time, for forever?”

Oikawa scoffed and looked over the rim of his glasses at Sugawara. “Shall I give you the statistics of a gay relationship lasting? Why do you think hook-up culture is so prevalent in our community?”

Sugawara just sighed. “So you’re gonna pretend like you’re fine and keep doing what you’re doing?”

“Well, that was the plan, but it just... doesn’t feel good anymore. It’s a chore now, and I’m sick of it.”

He grabbed Sugawara’s hand and linked their fingers, crushing his knuckles against his lips in a tender kiss. “That why I need you, cause it still feels so good with you, even if we don’t have sex.”

“You’re using me,” Sugawara said blankly, like he couldn’t believe Oikawa was being so obvious about it.

Oikawa just shrugged and gave Sugawara’s hand another kiss.

“Damn it, Oikawa. What is it about you that makes me not even care that you’re using me?”

Oikawa just grinned wide. “It’s cause I’m devilishly handsome and you can’t resist.”

Sugawara chose not to respond, just tossing him a smile as he pulled at Oikawa’s hand. He stuffed them under the table and calmly finished his coffee, his thumb rubbing a divot into Oikawa’s skin. 

They walked back to Oikawa’s loft huddled together, hands held between folds of their coats and Oikawa kissed Sugawara warm and slow as soon as they got inside. They shed their coats and Sugawara hummed, “I’ll wait for you in bed.”

Oikawa watched his teacher walk away and he wondered how it had been so easy to convince Sugawara to do this for him. He heated up a cup of sleepy time tea and shed his jeans. Sugawara was already snuggled under the covers, warm as a bug, and Oikawa downed his hot tea and crawled in beside him. Their lips joined like it was second nature by now, Sugawara’s warm hand cupping his chilled face and slowly warming up every inch of him until Oikawa felt sleep creep around him like a warm, wet blanket. He mumbled against Suga’s lips, the other man continuing to kiss him until Oikawa sunk limp against his pillow, deep asleep. 

Sugawara gazed at his face, dark bags that even his thick lashes couldn’t hide, and he brushed aside Oikawa’s hair, pulling off his glasses, and tucking him in. He really didn’t mind Oikawa using him like this, because the brunet wasn’t the only one who was lonely and desperate for human warmth. While Oikawa was trying to forget the love he had, Suga was praying he would one day find his own love. He felt sad for the boy in his arms who didn’t believe in happily ever after. 

He kissed his forehead and decided to take a nap as well, dozing off with a podcast playing through the earbud in his ear. 

When Oikawa awoke, feeling far too warm and cozy, and only sleepy because he’d just woken up, not the mind numbing kind of sleepy he’d been for the past few weeks. He snuggled into Sugawara’s neck, craving the warmth he found there, and Sugawara hummed softly as he stirred from his own slumber. 

Oikawa greeted him with a kiss, and Sugawara smiled into it before returning it easily. Oikawa pushed the covers off as it got a little hot and he got up over Sugawara, breathing into his neck, “I hope this is okay because I really want to fuck you right now.”

“It’s fine,” Sugawara whispered as his hands came up around Oikawa’s neck, and he smiled so bright. Oikawa pressed his forehead to Suga’s.

“Wouldn’t it all be so much simpler if I could have just fallen in love with you instead?”

Sugawara laughed aloud and smacked him across the arm. “Don’t even say that.”

“Yeah, just a thought I had.”

“Stop thinking and kiss me instead.”

Oikawa kissed him deeper, and when Sugawara pulled him down to his waist, eyes begging him to take off his pants and touch him, Oikawa didn’t object. 

He unclothed Sugawara and admired his pale skin and slim legs, the slightly curly hairs that started at his tiny belly button and trailed down to his cock, which Oikawa kissed and took into his mouth. 

He was good, of course. You didn’t have as much sex as he did and not master the art of the blow job. Sugawara was soon panting his name, fingers squeezing into his lush brown hair as he came down Oikawa’s throat. Oikawa swallowed it all and then crawled back up Suga’s body to kiss his jaw. 

Sugawara crooned for more, but Oikawa sat up and said, “I’ll be right back, gonna rinse my mouth. Mind prepping yourself while I’m gone?”

Sugawara smiled and nodded. “You know I don’t mind your morning breath.”

“What about my sugar dick breath?”

Oikawa leaned in and breathed heavy over Sugawara’s face; hands came up quick to push him away. 

“Go, go!” Sugawara squealed, giggling. God, he was so cute. 

Not at all like Ushijima, he thought as he stepped into his large bathroom, closing the door. He rubbed a hand over his groin and thought forlornly that that was also why he wasn’t hard. He brushed his teeth and took a bottle from under his cabinet. He unscrewed the cap and took two long swigs of his mint schnapps. He brushed a hand through his hair and hid his bottle again before rubbing at his cock until he was hard, images of Ushijima fleeting as they came and he shooed them away. But as much he tried to deny it, saying it was the alcohol or whatever, he knew the only thing getting him hard anymore was Ushijima. 

He crawled back over Sugawara, who acted like he didn’t smell the heavy scent of alcohol on his breath, and Oikawa rolled on a condom and pressed himself inside Sugawara. 

His hand tightened on silver hair and he groaned softly, “Fuck, darling, you’re so tight.”

Sugawara moaned right into his ear as his arms closed tight around Oikawa’s shoulders and the two lost themselves in the rhythm of it all. Oikawa had his face buried in Sugawara’s neck when he came with a soft whimper, Sugawara holding him tight as he also came between their stomachs. They pulled apart and Oikawa tied off his condom and tossed it away, collapsing into his sheets again. 

“I’m gonna take a shower before I go,” Sugawara said quietly, and Oikawa didn’t even bother responding because it was the same old, familiar routine. He was already asleep again by the time Sugawara stepped into the shower, and after he’d dressed himself and closed the cap over the schnapps and re-hidden it, he leaned over the bed and kissed Oikawa’s face a few times before murmuring something into his ear and heading out into the bitter cold. 

_Just go be happy with him. You’re wasted like this._

x

The hardest part of staying away from Ushijima like he’d asked him to was that Oikawa had to be very careful about when he went to the gym. Most of the members of the volleyball team had opted to stay behind at school to practice more for their upcoming tournaments, to strengthen team bonds before new freshmen showed up in the spring. 

He’d discovered that there was a hill he could sit on that put him out of view of those in the gym but allowed him enough to see the practice games they played at the front and also see when people left from the locker rooms. He squatted in track pants and a thick sweater and watched Ushijima leave with his other teammates, Iwaizumi the only one staying behind to clean up the gym. He walked down the hill and silently stepped inside the gym, breathing in the smells he’d missed and the sound of Iwaizumi’s sneakers on the floor. Iwaizumi turned at some point and almost didn’t seem startled to see Oikawa standing in the doorway. He sighed and motioned the other over to him. 

“Hey, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa mumbled awkwardly. Iwaizumi nodded, but there was a small smile on his face when he greeted the other back. 

“Hey, Crappykawa.”

Oikawa picked up a ball at his feet and rolled it between his hands. “Iwa, would you mind-“

The other gave him a side glance, but he was already making his way across the court, motioning for Oikawa to go ahead and give him his best serve. Oikawa sighed in deep relief and took a moment to calm himself. He ran forward and jumped high into his serve, and he heard the beautiful resounding smack as Iwaizumi hit the ball back to his side of the court. He shivered in delight and immediately grabbed up the ball for another. 

He managed 8 jump serves before his knee screamed at him in the middle of his ninth jump and he missed it, landing awkward and choosing to just lay there in his defeat. Iwaizumi yelled at him about being a drama queen but he still ran over and pulled Oikawa into a sitting position, hands roaming over his leg as he muttered, “You okay?”

Oikawa had tears streaming down his face from the pain, not just in his knee either, but he smiled through it and nodded. “I’m just fine, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi looked up at him and pulled his sleeve down to rub it roughly over Oikawa’s cheeks. “Are you just lying to me or to yourself, too, Oikawa?”

Oikawa pursed his lips and took a moment to steady his fragile emotions. “Stop, Iwa-chan,” he breathed after he’d leveled his voice. 

“Fine. It’s not like I want to anyways.” He stood and cleaned up the rest of the gym as Oikawa just sat there, and then he came back with a towel and a bag of ice, a warm drink to press into Oikawa’s hands. He sat down next to his friend in silence. 

“You know, you’re not the only one who’s feeling like shit lately,” Iwaizumi finally said, a hint that Oikawa didn’t catch as he said, “Oh. Sorry, Iwaizumi.”

The other blinked at the use of his full name, at the sad look on Oikawa’s face.

“No, I meant-“ But he just shook his head and sighed, thinking both Ushijima and Oikawa were stupid and clueless. If they’d just talk to each other... but Iwaizumi couldn’t think of the words to say to convince either of them to stop being stubborn, so he left it alone and sighed instead. Sometimes it sucked being mostly muscle and no brain. 

He helped Oikawa off the floor, after he said his knee felt a little better now, and Iwaizumi watched him hobble away, unsure if he shouldn’t have said something anyways. 

x

His knock was quiet on the apartment door, and he clutched a bottle of black rum to his chest that he’d been slowly drinking from since about an hour ago. He leaned heavy against the door frame and fell inside the apartment when Hanamaki opened the door. 

“Oof! Oikawa?!” Hanamaki grabbed at him and barely kept the two of them upright. 

He mumbled out Hanamaki’s name and smiled up at his friend. “So glad to see you,” he whispered, and then he reached up and kissed Hanamaki’s jaw. 

“Why are you so drunk?! It’s two in the afternoon!”

Hanamaki was dressed in a pair of lounge pants that were definitely not his and an inside out shirt. When Daichi came out of the bedroom in just underwear, Oikawa, even in his addled state of mind, easily pieced it together. He knew that Hanamaki had stayed behind to hide from his parents, and he vaguely remembered that Daichi’s family lived close by. 

“Sorry, you guys were having sex, and I- I’ll just lay on the couch and you two can-“

He stumbled forward but this time Daichi caught him and brought him to the couch, sitting next to him as Hanamaki knelt down by his feet. “What’s wrong, Oikawa?”

“It’s just my knee,” he lied, the alcohol at least making it more convincing. “I was playing with Iwa-chan and I messed it up again. The alcohol takes the edge off the pain.” He rubbed at his sore knee, wrapped up in a knee brace, and Hanamaki frowned at him. He took his bottle away and set it on the coffee table. 

“Seriously, you two can just go back to fucking,” he said somberly as he leaned back against the couch. But strong arms picked him up after a moment of silence and he was carried into the bedroom. 

“We’ll be mindful of your knee,” Hanamaki told him after Daichi had laid him down and the other snuggled against his side. Into Oikawa’s ear, Hanamaki whispered, “I know there’s more to the story, but I’m a terrible friend, so I’m going to just help you ignore it the way we always do.”

Oikawa closed his eyes, grateful, but he knew it wasn’t any use. Still he let Daichi take off his pants and Hanamaki roll up his sweater. He peeked through long lashes at Daichi, who was flushed and looked happy as he pressed gentle kisses to Oikawa’s knee and thigh, holding the leg gently aloft, careful not to jostle it. Hanamaki was warm at his side and he turned towards the man and their lips found each other easily. It was familiar enough to provide some of the comfort Oikawa was so desperate for, and he let himself believe that this was enough. 

At some point, Daichi huffed out a sigh of frustration, and Oikawa pulled away from Hanamaki to see what was the matter. Daichi had a hand around Oikawa’s cock, his face screwed up in concentration. Oikawa glanced down at his non-responsive shaft and sighed. He pushed Daichi’s hand off and mumbled, “Don’t mind it. You don’t need me to be hard anyways. It’s because I’m drunk...” The lie was bitter on his tongue, even more than the alcohol had been, because he knew it wasn’t the alcohol, or Daichi, or even himself. It was Ushijima, who couldn’t let him be. 

Daichi and Hanamaki shared a look, and then Hanamaki shared one with Oikawa. He closed his eyes and kissed Hanamaki and tried to convey that it was fine, it was all fine, this was just how things were now. 

Daichi stretched him wide, still looking concerned once in a while that Oikawa was still soft between his legs, but finally Hanamaki distracted him with kisses, and he entered Oikawa with a soft sigh of relief. Oikawa wondered dimly if Daichi still had a crush on him, and when Daichi leaned down and pressed his warm body to Oikawa’s, he kissed him like he was looking for the answer there. 

Daichi was grinning and blushing when he sat back up and Hanamaki cooed at Oikawa, his cock out and pressing softly to Oikawa’s lips when he turned his head. Oikawa slacked his jaw and opened his mouth, closing his eyes as he listened to the sounds of Hanamaki and Daichi enjoying themselves, kissing each other, and moaning softly. Soft fingers caressed at the bulge Hanamaki’s erection made in his cheek, and he hummed quietly. 

Behind his eyelids, he could see him clearer than if he was actually there, warm and kind, and whispering, “I like you too, Oikawa, but you’re drunk.” He whimpered and came like that, and he almost cried because he didn’t even care anymore that Ushijima was the only thing he could cum to anymore, that Ushijima was constantly there, in his mind, in his ear, that he couldn’t even fight it anymore. He bit his lip and buried his face into Hanamaki’s shoulder and let the two hold him as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really pulled out all the stops with the angst for this fic y’all. /sweats


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, a warning for the next two chapters, as we will be dealing with rape and abusive relationships. If either of these two topics trigger you, please consider skipping the next two chapters, or read with caution. 
> 
> Sorry for the short notice, I didn’t think the story would go this way. 
> 
> Thank you for your support <3

“Oikawa.”

He turned around, startled to hear Daichi’s voice behind him in the coffee shop. He slapped a wide smile on his face and hugged the other male. 

“Hey!”

Daichi blushed a little as Oikawa peered over his shoulder. 

“Alone?” he asked Daichi slyly. 

“Ahh, yeah...” Daichi croaked out in a nervous voice. “You look great, Oikawa.”

Oikawa closed the lid on his coffee cup, after adding the desired amount of cream and sugar he wanted, and took Daichi’s free hand, the other holding a small cup in it. “Let’s take a walk,” he said with a genuine smile. 

Oikawa let go of Daichi’s hand when they stepped outside, linking his arm around Daichi’s instead, sipping on his coffee as he watched Daichi from the corner of his eye. His hand shook a little as he drank from his tiny cup of coffee, trying so hard not to look nervous and failing miserably. 

Oikawa asked about his break and how Hanamaki was doing. “I’m sure he’s a pain in the butt to date,” he said with a laugh. 

“No, actually- it’s been really amazing. I have to thank you for that, Oikawa. I really love him.”

Oikawa almost blushed to hear such a straight forward and serious confession for his friend. He fell silent for a moment as he thought of his own confessions, the one’s that lay dormant in his heart, and suddenly skipped ahead of Daichi and turned, grabbing the man’s hand. 

“Dai-chan, you like me, don’t you?” His responding blush was enough answer, so Oikawa launched right into his next question. “What do you like about me?”

Daichi blinked in surprise at the question, at Oikawa serious, curious face. “You’re... really beautiful.”

“Is that it?” Oikawa felt disappointed, but he didn’t let it show. 

“Well, no-“

He turned around, his back to Daichi, and asked softly, “Do you think there’s anything anyone could like about me besides my face?”

He felt a hand against his back and Daichi said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said.”

Oikawa spun back to him with a smile and cheered, “Never mind me!”

He cupped Daichi’s face and tilted his face a little as he looked at the male. “You’re really cute, Dai-chan. Hana is lucky to have you.

“Will you kiss me one last time?”

Daichi’s face went pale and his eyes wide. “Oikawa, what are you saying?”

Oikawa just smiled. “Nothing so serious. Just reconsidering some of my behaviors. So, once more for the road?”

And Daichi obliged him with a sweet, slow kiss, and Oikawa thought it was enough to give him the courage to face his fears and give up his fuck boy ways. At least for today, he thought somberly. 

He bid Daichi farewell and glanced at his phone. Someone from his Psych class was inviting him to a Christmas party, and he thought with a slow, masochistic smile, _Well, one more party won’t hurt. It’s a good way to say goodbye to the old me._

x 

The party spanned three apartments, all next to each other, on the third floor of one of the newer college dorm buildings, and Oikawa was a little lost until he found Matsukawa in the kitchen of the middle dorm room, standing next to a few friends and an overloaded drinks table. Matsukawa smacked him on the back and introduced him to his fellow classmates, and Oikawa nodded, knowing none of them would remember each other’s names in two minutes. He mixed himself a drink and let Matsukawa lean into him. 

“I figured you’d be into this, and I heard you’d been feeling down recently, so I thought this would cheer you right up.”

Oikawa wanted to ask Matsu where he’d gotten his info about Oikawa’s mental health from, but just then someone dragged the other off for beer pong or something ridiculous, and Oikawa was left to wander around alone. He wore a tight pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt with mesh stripes running across it, and he could already feel a few eyes on him. He pushed at his face before remembering he wasn’t wearing his glasses, almost laughing at the irony of the fact that he’d gotten used to wearing them again. 

One guy in particular was eyeing him up really hard, and Oikawa wasn’t shocked when the guy came over and asked Oikawa to come dance with him in the next apartment over. Loud EDM was blaring from a speaker, heard through the open doors, and Oikawa shrugged and nodded. The guy was cute enough, a little shorter than him but buff enough to make up for it. He wore a ball cap flipped backwards, his hair a fluffy mess beneath it, and his eyes a little shiny from alcohol consumption. Oikawa set his drink down and let the man take his hand and lead him to the dance floor one room over.

He wasn’t a great dancer, whether it was from lack of skill or alcohol intake, but he was a pretty good kisser, and he actually got Oikawa pretty riled up by grinding against him as he sucked at his neck. If Oikawa closed his eyes, he could pretend it was Ushijima’s back he was clinging to. 

Hands crept up his shirt and the illusion was ruined when the guy spoke into his ear. A wild shiver ran up Oikawa’s whole body and his stomach flipped, nausea hitting him like a train. He pushed the man away and shook his head, wiping at his wet neck as he made his way in a hurry out of the room. 

If he just stuck with Matsukawa... He went back for his drink, unaware now of the eyes on him, and scanned the room for his friend.

“Hey, do you know where they’re playing beer pong?” he asked a random girl, who yelled back, “Next room over.”

He hoped that meant the first room, not the dance room, where he’d left his dance partner. He drank the rest of his drink as he debated just calling it a night or finding Matsukawa. He should at least say goodbye. He pulled out his phone as he walked out the door and it hit him so fast that he didn’t know what it was. His mind blanked and went on auto pilot, and the last thing he remembered before there were unknown arms around his waist was that he texted someone...

x

Kuroo was way too far away for this shit to be happening right now, and there was only one person he could think to call to fix what he could only imagine was maybe death or something worse. 

The line rung only twice before a low voice came over the speaker and into his ear, and Kuroo yelled out, “Shit, you’re the only one I can think of right now, so don’t be mad!”

x

Oikawa didn’t like this. 

He hated this.

His lids felt so heavy and strange hands were touching him, feeling more like slimy worms than human hands, and his body refused to listen to him. He lay heavy and frozen, a dead fish on a creaky bed, on top of gross sheets that smelled like they hadn’t seen the laundry since the start of the semester. He hated crying in public but his eyes were leaking and they refused to stop, and he thought maybe he deserved this and should just face it like a man. 

But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

He refused to let the three strangers and his dance partner hovering over him rape him. He could see it in their eyes, knew it from their grins and the way his body felt that they’d drugged him and god, he was so stupid! His drink- he’d left it, and usually he had a wingman but he didn’t even know Matsukawa that well. He’d been so stupid. 

A dick smacked across his tear-streaked face and he sobbed out a desperate cry. The faces above him laughed, and he shut his eyes, the only thing he could do as slimy fingers took his clothes off and _touched_ him. 

He begged for his mind to just shut down, and was grateful when the alcohol and lack of sleep finally caught up to his body, pulling him away from the reality he didn’t want to face and into a nightmare that was far better. 

When strong arms scooped him up and shook him from his slumber, he screamed, his arms hanging limp even as he begged them to lift, rise, until lips pressed to his ears and the most welcome, familiar low voice said into his ear, “Oikawa, you’re fine.”

He sobbed and buried his face into a warm sweater and strong chest and fell back to sleep, relief making his entire body ache. 

He hadn’t slept so well in ages.

x

Ushijima’s hands trembled as he tried to type out a message on his phone. Finally he just gave up and called Kuroo, trusting his voice to be more steady than his fingers. 

“I’ve got him,” was the first thing he said when Kuroo answered. The other breathed out a deep sigh of relief.

“Is he all right?”

“I don’t know. He’s sleeping right now; I’m guessing they drugged him.”

There was a loud clatter like Kuroo had jumped up ready to fight a mofo from however many towns over, and then he asked very slowly, “Did you recognize any of them?”

“No, but I didn’t just let them off.”

Kuroo huffed. “I swear if they touched him-“

Ushijima looked down at Oikawa’s discarded clothes by the door, which he’d managed to grab. He’d wrapped Oikawa in his sweater, practically stuffed him into his jacket to get him to his apartment, and now he lay on Ushijima’s bed wrapped in blankets because Ushijima wasn’t about to try to touch and dress someone who’d almost been sexually assaulted. He hoped Oikawa wouldn’t remember anything, if he was honest.

“How many?”

“Four,” Ushijima said.

Kuroo went deathly silent. 

“I can’t believe him.” When he spoke again, Ushijima could tell he was close to crying from the way his voice turned unsteady. “God, he’s always been an idiot, but he knows better when it comes to parties. He always goes with someone he can trust, and he never leaves his drink. Do you know who invited him to the party?”

“No, I don’t know much aside from what I saw and who was there.”

“Recognize anyone?”

“No. I don’t even know if it was a college party.”

“Damn it, Oikawa.”

“I’m just glad he was able to text you before he passed out.”

“That SOS scared me. I’ve only ever gotten it once before, and-“ There was an audible shiver on the other end of the phone. “There’s a reason why Oikawa doesn’t date...”

Ushijima went silent, because he realized Kuroo was trying to explain something to him that he needed to understand. 

“If he’s like this, I’m hoping it means he’s at the end of his rope, but I haven’t known what’s been going on in that boy’s head for a few months now. Just, gently smack some sense into him, please, Ushijima.”

“I’m not sure if he’ll be happy to see me when he wakes up.”

“I don’t know either...”

Ushijima bid Kuroo farewell and sighed heavily, scraping his fingers over his scalp. How had it gotten to this? Had he not communicated properly? Oikawa had started avoiding him and Ushijima had assumed that was his answer. Oikawa wasn’t interested in a relationship, nor Ushijima himself. He got it.

And then Oikawa had confessed to him, drunk out of his mind after Kuroo’s party and Ushijima had responded too, but then there had been more radio silence, even more than before. The worry and unknown of it all had even caused him to slip up during practice once or twice. 

There was something about Oikawa, something he couldn’t describe or put his finger on, that drew him in. He was loud and obnoxious, sure, but he was really beautiful and sometimes he would smile genuinely and Ushijima’s heart would stop. 

He just really wanted Oikawa to treasure himself. And of course he wanted to treasure Oikawa too, but maybe it wasn’t in the cards for them, so he thought he should be satisfied with just the first thing. 

He should be, but now Oikawa was laying in his bed, naked, sleeping off a date rape drug and unaware that Ushijima was having a minor panic attack over what had almost happened. 

He had to resolve himself, too, he thought. If he wanted Oikawa to take better care of himself, he also had to become more honest and open about his own desires. 

He unlocked his phone and typed out a short message.

_To: Iwaizumi-senpai_

_Would you mind coming over to my apartment?_

x

Iwaizumi sighed deep and heavy after hearing the whole story from Ushijima. He was angry, wanted to smack Oikawa upside the head and yell at him, frustrated that Oikawa had been so stupid, and angry at himself for not noticing the way Oikawa was spiraling. Because Oikawa _wasn’t_ stupid, not when it came to this. So why had he gone to a party with no back up and drunk an unattended drink? Why hadn’t he told someone where he was going at least?

“I just- think it’ll be easier for him if you’re the first face he sees.”

Ushijima looked impossibly sad when he said it, even though his face barely betrayed his emotion. But it was in the way his words came out unsure and his shoulder slumped forward and he sat forward, heavily leaning on his knees. 

Iwaizumi nodded and headed into the bedroom, pulling up Ushijima’s desk chair beside the bed, sitting down quietly as he watched Oikawa sleep. There were heavy bags under his eyes that even his dark, thick lashes couldn’t hide, and even in sleep, his brow was wrinkled and his lips tight. His hair lay soft against a blue pillow, the blankets up to his chin. Iwaizumi sat forward and massaged at Oikawa’s forehead, trying to make the worry lines disappear. 

“You’ll get wrinkles, Shittykawa,” he whispered, his voice laced with worry and disappointment. Not in Oikawa so much, but in himself. Why hadn’t he seen it? When Oikawa had asked him to play volleyball and he’d hurt his knee, that was the last time he’d talked to the other. He had his phone number, he knew where he lived. Why hadn’t he even wondered what Oikawa was doing on an empty college campus for weeks on end? 

“Sorry for being a shitty friend.”

As Oikawa’s childhood friend, he should have been the first line of defense, but he’d slacked off. 

There was a soft moan and Oikawa’s forehead wrinkled even more around Iwaizumi’s finger, and finally the other opened his eyes. He was facing the wall, but Iwaizumi could see the way he slowly tried to place his surroundings, reaching up to his forehead to grasp at the finger there, and finally turning to blink at Iwaizumi. He opened his mouth to speak but only a croak came out. Iwaizumi pressed a bottle of water into his emerged hand. 

“You screamed yourself raw, so don’t try to talk too much. Drink this.”

Oikawa looked confused as he slowly sat up and looked between the offered water and his friend. He slowly drank the entire bottle and then pressed a hand to his temple, groaning. 

“I’ve got some Ibuprofen here for your headache.” Iwaizumi combed Oikawa’s bangs away from his face and checked for a fever, pressing four small round tablets into Oikawa’s other palm. Oikawa blinked at him silently and swallowed the pills dry. Iwaizumi went to fetch him another water bottle. 

When Oikawa had downed half of that one too, he asked, his voice hoarse, “Where am I, Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi smiled at his friend. “Ushijima’s place.”

Oikawa went a little stiff at the name, blinking down at his hands. 

“If you don’t, that’s fine, but do you remember anything from last night?”

Oikawa groaned again and pressed a hand to his eyes. “Uhm, someone from my Psych class invited me out and there was a guy who asked me to dance.”

“Where was the guy from your Psych class?”

“Matsu? Ah, he went to go play... beer pong. I was looking for someone else I knew, but I didn’t recognize anyone...”

“You didn’t recognize the guy who asked you to dance?”

Oikawa shook his head, the motion making him wince harder. Suddenly, he was crying, and Iwaizumi was unsure of what to do with his hands. He hovered them over Oikawa’s curled up frame and softly pat at his hair, finally just letting his hand rest in soft, brown curls. 

“I can’t- I don’t remember what happened, but it’s like I don’t remember because my brain doesn’t want me to...” He sobbed. “What happened to me, Iwa-chan?”

Oikawa had done a lot of shitty things, been a shitty friend most of their life, and gotten away with it, but there was a reason Iwaizumi had stuck around. He really, truly cared for Oikawa, despite his grating personality at times and how tired he could make Iwaizumi, but Iwaizumi cared. And right now, seeing Oikawa like this was breaking his heart. He debated whether he should tell Oikawa what had happened or if it was best to just let his brain block it out. He never came to an answer, because suddenly Oikawa went deathly silent. 

“Oh god...” he whimpered after a long, silent while. “Oh my god...” 

Iwaizumi saw it happen, as if in slow motion. Oikawa raised his face and Iwaizumi realized he _knew_. He’d remembered, and he was a split second from falling to pieces. Iwaizumi had never moved so fast in his life. He grabbed Oikawa and smashed him against his chest just as the brunet let out an unearthly wail, the sadness of knowing he’d almost been raped crashing over him like a tsunami. 

The memory of it most likely triggered others, and Oikawa was screaming, voice hoarse, sobbing as ugly things he’d buried rose to the surface, and Iwaizumi realized he’d failed his friend on a lot of occasions, in times when it had really counted the most. 

The therapy that Oikawa had gone to for a few years had taught Iwaizumi that there was only one thing to do when Oikawa got like this, so he soothed his hand over Oikawa’s hair and murmured, “You’re safe now,” over and over. 

At one point, he saw Ushijima peek into the bedroom, his whole face contracted with worry, but he’d pulled away a few seconds later with a hung head of defeat and closed the door behind him. Iwaizumi wondered how it felt, being powerless and knowing nothing, as opposed to his situation, which was that he had the chance to do something and choose to not act, and knew everything all too well. Even years of therapy couldn’t heal the wound of an abusive relationship, and the events of last night had torn the scab right off the wound once again. 

Oikawa finally calmed down enough to stop crying, and then he fell asleep against Iwaizumi, tired and completely emotionally drained. Iwaizumi just held him as he shed his own tears, for not being enough, for being stupid and stubborn, for thinking Oikawa could always figure himself out of bad situations. He resolved to be more attentive, to be a better friend, to never let something like this happen ever again. Because under all the bravado and dirty talk, Oikawa was just a 13 year old boy who loved volleyball with all of his heart and had never gotten the chance to fully play it, had never gotten the chance to grow up without knowing incredible pain. Underneath it all, Oikawa was kind and sweet and generous, too generous. 

Iwaizumi lay his head back and stared at the ceiling until Oikawa woke up again. Against his chest, he whispered, “Was it you that came for me, Iwa-chan?”

The question hurt, because the answer revealed his own failures. But he pushed his own ego down and responded, “No, it was Ushijima. You texted Kuroo and Kuroo called the only person he could think of.” His own words hurt, but he let them go. It wasn’t like he knew Kuroo as well as Ushijima did, so he let the hurt go. 

“Oh,” whispered Oikawa. 

_Now I understand why I felt so relieved and safe_ , Oikawa thought before drifting off again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More warnings for talk of abusive past relationships/physical violence.

Iwaizumi and Ushijima were sitting together in his living room, silent as they tried to watch the show that was on, but both of their minds were miles away from their bodies. Iwaizumi had untangled himself from Oikawa and tucked the man back in to let him get more sleep, and now he and Ushijima brewed in varying states of “What do we do now?” and regret.

Soft footsteps padded out to where they sat and two faces turned to look at Oikawa, who stood wrapped in the three blankets he’d been sleeping under, feet and legs bare, his face buried almost up to his eyes in fleece. 

Ushijima turned away first, like he didn’t think he had the right to look at Oikawa or speak to him, and Iwaizumi stood and walked over to Oikawa, who watched him over the edge of his blanket cocoon. 

“Hungry?” was the first thing Iwaizumi asked, but Oikawa shook his head. Iwaizumi couldn’t think of a way to ask about Oikawa’s mental state without reducing the severity of what had happened, so he let the room fall to silence again, the quiet drone of the TV the only noise. 

Oikawa was throwing glances at Ushijima’s head, and finally Iwaizumi asked softly, “Do you want me to leave you two alone to talk?”

Oikawa blinked at his friend, and he opened his blanket cocoon before Iwaizumi could react and threw his arms around his friend. A warm face pressed into his neck and Oikawa murmured, “Thank you, Iwa-chan. I love you.”

His arms shook under the weight of Oikawa’s words, but then he reached around and grabbed Oikawa and hugged him tight, and he croaked out, “Love you, too. Sorry I’m a shitty friend.”

A warm hand cupped against his cheek and Oikawa shook his head, his hair brushing against Iwaizumi’s nose and shoulder. “You’ve always been a much better friend than I deserved, Iwa.” There was the lightest of kisses pressed to his neck and then Oikawa pulled back, smiling, and Iwaizumi remembered that Oikawa was strong, stronger than anyone else, stronger than himself. He smiled back, wide and unrestrained. Oikawa pat his cheek and nodded, as if to say, “I’m fine.”

Iwaizumi turned and pulled on his shoes and bid the two farewell, promising to call Oikawa later before stepping into the cold December air and breathing a deep sigh as he let go of all of his hurt and pain and regret. Oikawa would be fine.

Oikawa closed his arms around himself again, and slowly made his way to the couch to sit beside Ushijima. He kept some space between them, and waited quietly for Ushijima to turn off the TV and turn a little towards him. 

“Did you sleep well?” Ushijima asked, and Oikawa could see the worry in his face and body, and he smiled slowly. 

“Yeah, thanks to you, I heard.”

Ushijima turned away. “I didn’t- I wasn’t fast enough.”

Oikawa shook his head. “Thank you, Ushijima. Thank you for saving me.” The words carried so much more weight than they appeared to at first. He leaned against the back of the couch, rested his cheek there, curling his feet up against himself. 

“You were right, Ushijima.”

The other blinked at him, surprise from the statement and the use of his full name a little shocking. He swallowed, but he didn’t know if he could find his voice.

“I don’t respect myself. I haven’t for a long, long time. I thought I did, because I’d overcome a lot and I thought being independent and strong meant I was respecting myself, but I already knew from the beginning that I was just coping.”

He sighed and buried his face deeper in the blankets. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”

Ushijima went a little red, but he shook his head. “It wasn’t your fault-“

“I mean, not just last night,” Oikawa clarified. “Since we’ve met. I’m sorry you had to see me like that since then.”

Ushijima finally fully turned to face Oikawa, leaning his shoulder into the back of the couch like Oikawa was. 

“Ushijima, there’s a lot of things I think I should explain to you.” 

And Ushijima nodded, ready to listen. 

“When I was 17, I met this guy, and I thought he was the most wonderful, kindest, sweetest person I’d ever known. He bought me gifts and always complimented me and I fell so deeply in love with him. He coerced me to run away from home, convincing me that my parents were trying to keep me locked up and control me, when in reality it was him who was trying to do those things. He quickly became abusive, physically and emotionally, and it took me a really long time to realize what was happening to me wasn’t love, and to get out of it. He nearly beat me to death one night, he was so angry that I’d gone out to meet Iwaizumi, and thank god I had, because Iwaizumi called the cops on him after he’d seen the bruises on my neck. Iwaizumi saved my life, and I know that he beats himself up about it, thinking he should have gotten me out of there sooner, but I think I needed to nearly face death to realize that I had to be strong by myself, that I shouldn’t really on others to make me feel a certain way or protect me, that I had to be my own hero. I’m still not very good at it. I’ve simply learned to keep myself detached. If I don’t form deep bonds, I won’t be hurt like I was before. There are exceptions, of course, like Kuroo and Hanamaki, but I keep most everyone else at arm’s length. Even you.”

Oikawa paused and massaged his throat, Ushijima handing over a cup of water for him to drink.

When he’d drank half of it, he clutched it in two hands and continued. “I know it’s no excuse for how I live my life, but that’s why I’m so obnoxious and flirty and will sleep with almost anyone if I want to, to prove I can have what I want, that I’m my own person, but I push everyone away because I refuse to became attached. I refuse to be hurt like that again.

“Ushijima, you- you are much more than I deserve. I could never hope to have you love me, but yet, I want you so badly. I’ve finally accepted it; I tried running from my feelings because of my past, because you could so easily ruin me, hurt me, reopen old wounds. But I’m tired. I’m tired of running. I don’t expect you to return my feelings- I think you’ve already made it very clear that I’m not... good as I am, but I want to become a better person. I want to become the person you can love.”

Ushijima’s mouth had gone slack at some point, his eyes wide. He finally interrupted Oikawa. “I’m sorry, it seems I’ve once again not made myself understood.”

Oikawa blinked at him, and he tried to find his words. There were a lot, but which ones were the right words to say?

“It’s true that- I didn’t like seeing how you acted, how you would drink and flirt and be so loose with yourself-“ He stopped there and shook his head. “No, sorry, that’s-“

“No, it’s true,” Oikawa said with a smile. “I’m a whore.” He laughed, but there was only pain and regret there. 

“You’re not- Oikawa, you’re a wonderful person. You’re too good for cheap hook-ups and drunken kisses and I wanted to treat you better than all of those others-“ He stopped again, because he knew “some of those others” included friends of Oikawa. The other laughed again, a self-deprecating sound.

Oikawa reached forward and pat his hand against Ushijima’s shoulder. “You don’t have to try to let me down so gently, Ushijima. I understand that I’m not someone who deserves to ask for your love, that you don’t see me that way. You’ve rejected my advances enough for me to recognize that you don’t like me like that.” He stood and wrapped himself tighter in his blanket. “I just wanted to tell you how I felt and thank you for- for a lot of things.”

He nodded like he was done speaking his mind, like he’d said all he needed to, and he made his way around Ushijima to gather his things and go. 

“Oikawa!” yelled a deep voice and he felt his world tilt as he was pulled down. He slammed his eyes clothes, waiting for impact, but instead he landed on something soft and warm, and he opened his eyes to find himself in Ushijima’s lap, in his arms, and it reminded him of last night and how much he really, truly loved Ushijima. He bit at his lip to keep his tears at bay and laughed out, “Ushijima, please-“

But Ushijima’s eyes were serious as Oikawa sat up and looked into his face, his hands pushing himself up and away from Ushijima’s chest. Ushijima’s arms loosened a little, giving Oikawa the chance to escape if he really wanted to, but instead he sank back down to Ushijima’s lap and waited with bated breath, with hopes high even though he didn’t want them to soar like this. He wanted this crash landing to be as painless as possible, and he was scared, anticipating the best and the worst outcome simultaneously. 

“Oikawa,” Ushijima breathed again. He shook his head and muttered to himself and then ground a knuckle into his temple. “I’m not good with words or expressing myself-“ His lip quivered in frustration. 

“Ushijima, just say it,” Oikawa breathed out in utter terror, unable to refill his lungs as dark eyes landed on his. 

“I love you, Oikawa.”

He’d heard it wrong. It didn’t mean what he thought it meant, Ushijima didn’t mean it like _that_. Doubts warred as reality clashed with Ushijima’s words. He could see in his mind all the times Ushijima had pushed him away and avoided eye contact, but now there were Ushijima’s words hanging over them in the tense air and he didn’t know what he should believe, lest his heart be broken. 

“What does that mean-?”

Ushijima blinked, confused, because he didn’t think he could have been any clearer. 

“It means that I love you. Romantically. I want to- have a relationship with you, like that...” His hands tightened on Oikawa’s back and he felt a thrill shoot up his spine as hope screamed “I told you so!” and doubt called back, “You’re still misunderstanding him!”

“But all those times you pushed me away or rejected me-“

Ushijima groaned harshly, almost a growl, his eyes cast down and his face screwed up in anger, but Oikawa somehow understood. He wasn’t angry at Oikawa, he was angry at himself.

“I just- wanted to treat you better. I wanted to kiss you and hug you, wanted to hold you, but I wanted to do it when we were both sober and when you understood-“ His voice broke then. “-how much I love you.”

Oikawa sputtered out a sound as tears began to leak furiously from his eyes and he clutched tightly at Ushijima’s shoulders, the other still looking down and unaware that Oikawa was sobbing. 

“I _wanted_ to kiss you every time you touched me or looked at me, but I didn’t want to be just another hook-up for you. I wanted to be nothing or something much more, I didn’t want to settle for one time. Every time you kissed someone else, I wanted to seal your lips and not let anyone else touch them, and I wanted the words you said so easily to be only for me. I wanted you for myself, and it was so selfish and possessive and it scared me too, but I couldn’t be satisfied with just a one-time thing. I wanted you to be happy with just me, but mostly I just wanted you to be _happy_.”

“See,” whispered Oikawa, and finally the other looked at him. “I knew you were too good for me.” And he leaned down and pressed his wet cheek against Ushijima’s and held him like that, to his face, as he sobbed loudly. Ushijima just held him, blinking back a slight wetness in his own eyes. He wondered how they’d misunderstood so much. 

“I’ll try to change, to be better-“

And Ushijima said, “You don’t have to change, just make it me, only me.”

“I’ll make sure I’m worthy of your feelings-“

“You’re already more than I deserve, Oikawa. You’re so... amazing. You take my breath away.”

“Ushijima, I-“ he pulled back and let out a small sob, Ushijima quick to wipe his tears even as more flowed from the gentle touch. 

“Oikawa, I-“

“Love you,” they breathed together. 

Thin hands fisted into Ushijima’s hair, hands he’d only been able to dream about how they would feel in his skin, and Oikawa bit at his lip. “Ushijima, please, can I kiss you now?”

“Yeah, I want you- I want to-“ 

Their lips melted together like no force in the universe could stop them anymore. It was salty from tears and sweet from love and Oikawa let himself unwind, let himself feel fully with his heart. Every kiss before paled in comparison to this one, because this one had his heart and his body and his entire being wrapped up in it and Ushijima accepted them all and gave back his own. Oikawa had never ached so badly, with love, with acceptance and passion, as he did now, for Ushijima. 

When they pulled back, he gripped at the back of his neck and whispered roughly, “Don’t ever break my heart or my trust, Ushijima. I won’t survive.”

And Ushijima held him tighter and swore he would never, ever let Oikawa feel hurt like that again. 

“I love you. I always will. I’ll try to always find the words to express myself and to not create misunderstandings. I’ll fight for this even more than my own life. I’ll fight for you, Oikawa, always.”

Oikawa kissed him again because for the first time in his entire life, he was left speechless. 

x

Kuroo blinked. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He wondered if he was still sleeping, dreaming.

Tomorrow was the first day of class of the new semester and he’d invited everyone over for a small party. 

Oikawa and Ushijima stood outside his door, holding hands, Oikawa blushing a little and glancing down at the floor like he was so nervous, and Ushijima was smiling, actually smiling, just a small thing, but a smile nonetheless, and it was like he was saying, “Look at this guy whose hand I get to hold! Can you believe I’m so lucky?”

“So, yeah, we’re dating now,” Oikawa whispered to the floor and Kuroo knew he had to be imagining the proud and extremely happy smile trembling on Oikawa’s lips. Brown eyes finally slid up to meet his own and he knew. 

“Wow,” he whispered. This was an Oikawa he didn’t know, an Oikawa who was shy and blushy with first love, who glowed with happiness and was content enough with holding hands. 

“We’re taking it slow,” Ushijima explained, and Kuroo nodded slowly, feeling like he was meeting strangers. 

“Congratulations,” he breathed out sincerely. He hadn’t seen this coming. He’d expected a call when Oikawa finally wrangled Ushijima into his bed and a shout of victory and then Oikawa moving on, finally, but this- this he hadn’t seen coming at all. 

But he was happy for them - how couldn’t he be? 

“Since when?” he asked, and when Oikawa said two weeks, he understood it a little more but even less. Because now he knew what had set this off, the catalyst, but he wondered why Oikawa was still acting like a virgin bride if they’d been two weeks strong.

And also... two weeks... Oikawa’s longest relationship since... since high school, probably. 

“Congratulations,” he said again, and then he laughed loud and ushered the two in and re-introduced them to everyone in his living room. And everyone cheered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /screams HAPPY ENDINGSSSSSSSSSSSS


	9. Chapter 9

It took Oikawa a while to get used to it. Everyone was happy for him, but it was so foreign to him, being in a relationship. His last relationship had been long but disastrous, and Ushijima was nothing like his ex. He was so different, in fact, that it was in its own way unnerving. Oikawa didn’t know what to do with himself when Ushijima showered him with kindness, treated him gently. 

Oikawa had thought it would be hard to take it slow with Ushijima, and it was a little, because he craved Ushijima like nothing he ever had before, but he was also at peace with it because just sitting next to Ushijima and holding his hand sometimes made his heart want to jump out of his chest. It was because Ushijima looked at him like Oikawa was the most precious being, pure and perfect. Oikawa had spent way too long trying to convince Ushijima otherwise, but Ushijima would just smile and rub a finger over his cheek and whisper, “I love you, Oikawa.”

Despite this all, Oikawa was still as cunning and decisive as ever; or at least he’d like to think he was. He would wear shirts and shiver next to Ushijima until the other would give him his sweater or jacket, and then he’d take it home and refuse to return it until it lost its scent. And Ushijima would just smile when he asked for his clothes back and Oikawa would make up some terrible excuse. 

He’d try to catch Ushijima off guard with some dirty comment or a sneak attack to his butt, but Ushijima would turn right around and just grin at him, and then Oikawa usually ended up being the one embarrassed. 

He liked to sit and watch the volleyball team practice, now proudly sporting the jacket of his boyfriend as he sat on the side bench and wished with all of his heart that he could be out there, playing with the team. And after practice, Iwaizumi would toss Ushijima the gym keys and Ushijima would ask Oikawa if he’d like to serve some balls to him and Oikawa thought he could cry because this was the kind of person Oikawa had always wanted by his side. 

One day, Hanamaki and Oikawa decided to grab lunch together between classes, and they sat outside soaking in the surprising heat for an early spring day. 

“So, have you had sex yet?” Hanamaki asked like he was discussing the weather, and Oikawa nearly spit out his tea.

“Hana!” he scolded, going bright red. His friend blinked at him in surprise. Oikawa was quick to recover, and fired back with, “And what about you and Daichi, has he proposed yet?”

Now Hanamaki was red too and they stared each other down for a long few minutes. 

Oikawa sighed finally and took a bite of his burger. “Not yet,” he murmured. 

Hanamaki made a choked noise of shock. “Why not?! Wasn’t that your goal for like... three months?!”

“Shh!” Oikawa whispered harshly as he glanced around the area they sat in. “We’re taking it slow.”

“God, isn’t it torturous?” Hanamaki asked, pressing his chin into his palm as he leaned forward. 

“Honestly, a little. But at the same time, I’m happy.” He went a little red as he whispered, “He makes me so happy, it’s fucking ridiculous, Hana. I get embarrassed just holding his hand!”

“Who are you and what have you done with my friend?” Hana was making a grossed out face, but there was a glimmer of happiness in his eyes. 

“He’s really too good for me,” Oikawa husked as he buried his face in his hands. “I think I might die of happiness at this rate.”

Hanamaki laughed and smacked Oikawa in the arm. “Well, I can’t say I don’t know how you feel,” he said finally. 

Oikawa took his hand and smiled at his friend. “I’m happy for you and Daichi.”

And Hanamaki chimed back with, “I’m happy for you and Ushijima.”

x

The door jostled open and there were confused steps in the entry way. “Tooru?” Ushijima called out carefully, probably worried to have found his front door unlocked after a day of classes and practice. The first name basis was another thing that sometimes still threw Oikawa for a loop, but he wouldn’t deny that he loved the way it made him stomach all fluttery. 

“Of course it’s me, silly,” Oikawa said as he flounced into the hallway, and Ushijima’s eyes went wide. Oikawa had on a pair of his tiny shorts and a crop top, a ruffled apron atop it and in his hands, a soup ladle.

“What are you doing?” Ushijima asked, really worried suddenly. 

“I’m making dinner for my boyfriend!” Oikawa huffed. “Can’t I?”

“No, I’m just worried you’ll burn my apartment building down-“

Oikawa smacked Ushijima’s arm with his ladle, a little hurt. “I’ve been practicing, and I haven’t burned a single thing yet!”

Ushijima suddenly rushed forward and buried Oikawa against his chest. 

“Toshi-?”

“Sorry, it’s just...” He took a deep breath and Oikawa could feel his hardness against his stomach, but Ushijima said instead, “It makes me really happy to come home to you like this.”

Oikawa pulled himself up into Ushijima’s arms and kissed him passionately. “Did I leave you a little horny?” he giggled.

And to Oikawa’s surprise, Ushijima whispered out hotly, “Always.”

Oikawa pulled back and was met with a heated look. “Toshi?”

“Tooru-“ Ushijima breathed out, and suddenly Oikawa’s skin felt very warm. He dropped down and cradled his ladle to himself. 

“Toshi,” he whispered. “A bath, dinner, or me? Which do you want first?”

Ushijima’s hands came around his ass and he pulled Oikawa back to him. His voice was low in his ear. “I really want to say you but I’m smelly from practice-“

Oikawa buried his nose in Ushijima’s collar and said, “You smell really good to me.”

Ushijima let out a barely contained breath as he pressed closer to Oikawa. “Don’t make this harder for me, Tooru. I want to devour you whole already.”

“So do it,” Oikawa begged, clutching now at Ushijima’s neck and shirt collar. He smelled so good, like desire and sweat and Oikawa was so horny. He wanted Ushijima, wanted him so badly. 

“I won’t... rush this, Tooru. I want to treasure you and treat you gently, so please- I’m just going to take a quick bath-“ He sounded at the end of his rope, and Oikawa knew one more push would give him what he wanted. But he’d learned some things while dating Ushijima, and one of them was that it was always better if he was patient and let Ushijima set the pace. Oikawa wasn’t patient by nature, but Ushijima always, always made it worth the wait. So he stepped back and nodded. 

“I’ll be waiting for you, then, Wakatoshi.”

And Ushijima nodded back slowly too and shuffled awkwardly to the bathroom, his dick hard between his thighs. Oikawa clutched at his waist and sunk to the floor, his heart in his throat and he felt like he couldn’t breathe properly. Why did Ushijima stir him up so damn easily?

Ushijima smelled amazing fresh out of the bath too, and he kissed Oikawa breathless against the kitchen counter, and then the two miraculously, patiently ate dinner together. Oikawa’s fingers were wrapped in bandaids, but the pain in his fingers dulled when he saw the way Ushijima’s eyes lit up as he ate his food. 

Ushijima helped him clear away the dishes and then he untied Oikawa’s apron and picked him like the blushing bride he was and carried him to his bedroom. He laid him against the bed and Oikawa thought he’d climb over him, but instead he sat beside Oikawa and took his hands in his own. 

“Tooru. I just wanted to tell you some things before-“ His olive eyes shimmered and Oikawa was captivated by the other. He sat up and clutched Ushijima’s hands tight, nodding that he was listening. 

“I never imagined that I could hold you in my arms like this, that you would let me date you and pamper you and show you my love in so many different ways. I never imagined that you’d respond well to me asking you to wait. But you did, because you’re so wonderful. And I should have known, because I fell in love with that part of you that’s so incredibly amazing. But I want you, Tooru. I’ve wanted you for a long time, and I think about you a lot, about you alone in your bed, wishing I could be beside you, holding you, but I didn’t want to rush this thing we have.” Ushijima stoped and scratched at his head. “I just didn’t want you to think I ever had a moment where I didn’t want you.”

Oikawa stroked Ushijima’s cheek. 

“I love you, Tooru. I want to make love to you. I want to be gentle, and I’ll try my best, but-“ He breathed out heavy and then laughed a little. “Well, I really want you.”

Oikawa pressed their foreheads together and he breathed out, “Yeah, me too, Toshi. But you don’t have to worry about being gentle; I won’t break. I want you... to devour me. Show me your passion.” He shivered at his own words, eyes on fire as he peeked up through thick lashes. “I love you, Wakatoshi.”

“God-“ Ushijima murmured heatedly as he rushed forward and their lips crashed together, and it was like the string on the restraints was cut clean through. 

Ushijima was incredibly warm against him. He carefully undressed Oikawa, letting his large hands roam over smooth, taut skin. Oikawa shivered as Ushijima’s fingers caressed places that he’d forgotten were so sensitive. Or maybe it was just Ushijima touching him that made his whole body more responsive. Ushijima looked at his lips and kissed them, sucking the bottom lip between his teeth and nibbling on it until Oikawa was whimpering his name. He pulled back and looked long at Oikawa, his gaze incredibly fond. 

Oikawa covered his heating face with his hands. “It’s embarrassing when you look at me like that, Ushiwaka.”

The other kissed his hands and chuckled. “How am I looking at you?”

Oikawa peeked through his fingers and huffed. “Like you’d give me the whole world if I asked.” His voice was quiet and fake-grumpy, but there was still a twitch of a smile in his frown. 

“I would,” Ushijima said so easily, and Oikawa went red down to his chest.

“Seriously-“ he muttered as he grabbed at Ushijima’s neck, grabbing at the collar of his shirt to pull it off as he pressed against him. “The things you do to me-“

Ushijima joined their lips again as soon as his shirt was off and Oikawa pressed his hands flat against Ushijima’s chest. He spread his fingers wide and squeezed at Ushijima’s pecs, shivering needily. 

“Wakatoshi~” he panted, his whole body aching for his boyfriend, craving him. 

Ushijima was watching him again, stroking his cheek, and Oikawa wanted to cry at the tender look in his eyes. This wasn’t how he’d imagined Ushijima would be in bed. Where was the beast, where was the animal? This Ushijima was filleting him apart with tender looks and Oikawa was falling so hopelessly in love. 

“Tooru, you’re so beautiful. I’m looking forward to treasuring you properly for the rest of my life.”

“Is that a proposal?” Oikawa asked as he buried his face against Ushijima’s neck. He wanted to cry as he bit into Ushijima’s shoulder. 

“A promise,” the other whispered directly into his ear, and Oikawa pulled the man tight. 

“Wakatoshi, quickly~ make love to me before I melt...”

Ushijima laughed, but he rolled Oikawa over and pounced on top of him, all eager anticipation as his hands mapped every inch of Oikawa’s skin, with his hands and his lips too. Oikawa allowed himself to lay there and be laved upon. He threaded his hands into Ushijima’s short hair and whimpered as he traveled down his body. His hands tightened and he gasped unrestrained when Ushijima closed his mouth over Oikawa’s straining erection. 

Ushijima was sloppy and inexperienced, which made Oikawa a little happy, honestly, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have Oikawa flying to the moon in no time. He clenched his thighs around Ushijima’s shoulders and whimpered as his hips trembled violently. He bucked up despite trying to keep still, but Ushijima did nothing to stop him, and he tried again. Olive eyes with blown pupils flicked up to meet his eyes and Oikawa shivered. He clenched at Ushijima’s hair tighter and began earnestly fucking Ushijima’s mouth, spurred on by moans and Ushijima’s eyes on him. He came with a strangled cry, nearly ripping Ushijima’s hair out in clumps, but the other pulled back with a lazy smile, licking at his wet lips. 

“Oh~” Oikawa crooned as he pulled Ushijima back down to him, desperate to kiss him. 

“Was it good?” Ushijima asked like Oikawa’s reaction wasn’t enough. Oikawa pressed his sweaty forehead to Ushijima’s and panted. 

“God, Toshi~ You’re incredible.” He kissed Ushijima again. “Seriously,” another kiss, “fuck me please, baby.”

“I have to prep you first, Tooru. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Oikawa groaned again, because Ushijima was too good, way too good for someone like him, but Ushijima adored him anyways. “‘Kay,” he whispered as he flipped over to grab lube and condoms from the drawer where Ushijima kept them (he’d snooped around earlier).

He was on his hands and knees when he felt Ushijima grab his hips and lick at his asshole. He actually screamed and whipped around to find Ushijima smirking wide at him. He turned back around and mumbled, “Warn me next time.” His ass wavered slightly in the air and Ushijima pressed close again and breathed over his wetted ass. 

“Tooru,” he said, seeking permission. 

Oikawa couldn’t help but gasp back, “Toshi, please~” Only one person had ever licked his ass, and it was just two seconds, but Ushijima dove his whole face in and ate Oikawa out like it was his fucking job, and Oikawa sobbed into the mattress. He suckled at his puckered asshole and pressed his tongue past the tight rim of muscles and Oikawa howled in pleasure, his cock trembling between his thighs. He reached back with lubbed up fingers and pressed two inside himself, around Ushijima’s tongue, and scissored himself open, pressing back against Ushijima’s face. Ushijima eagerly licked inside him and pressed a third finger in to join his tongue and Oikawa’s fingers. Fingering himself open with Ushijima was doing really good (bad?) things to Oikawa, and he clenched a pillow to his face to muffle his ridiculously loud, lewd voice. Ushijima sat up and yanked the pillow away, wrapping his hand around Oikawa’s chest to pull him up and whispered hotly, “Don’t you dare muffle your voice, Tooru.” Oikawa mewled as Ushijima suckled at his ear lobe and he nodded, Ushijima’s fingers pushing deep inside him and brushing over his prostate. 

“Please, please, Toshi-“ he was begging far too soon, aching all over in need. Ushijima flipped him back around, pulled Oikawa between his legs as he sat on his knees. Ushijima’s cock rested hot and heavy against Oikawa’s and he breathed heavy at the size of it. 

Ushijima caught his eyes and he rubbed a hand over himself. Oikawa bit at his lip and trembled. He felt like a fucking virgin, but he thought it was fitting. “Are you prepared enough?” Ushijima asked slowly, almost like he knew Oikawa wouldn’t admit the truth even if he wasn’t. 

“It doesn’t matter, Toshi, I can’t wait anymore~” He nibbled at his lip again and Ushijima surged forward to capture his lips, stop his bad habit. 

“I want you too,” he breathed against red lips. 

He rolled the condom on hurriedly and slicked himself up liberally, Oikawa grinding down against him.

“Come on, come on!” He grabbed at Ushijima’s knees and whimpered. His hair stuck to his cheeks and forehead and he was probably completely flushed, a hot, desperate mess, and Ushijima took a moment to drink him in, which made Oikawa whine louder. 

“Patience, love,” Ushijima murmured, as he reached down to lube up Oikawa’s ass some more, check his stretch. 

Oikawa growled at him and grabbed Ushijima’s cock. If his boyfriend wasn’t gonna do it - But Ushijima was quick to smack his hand away. He grabbed Oikawa’s hip with a growl of his own and lined himself up, sliding in, just a little, far too slow. 

But it was for a reason. Oikawa felt Ushijima’s tip breach him and his whole body went rigid, his spine arching up and nails digging into Ushijima’s thighs. Ushijima rested there and Oikawa wanted to scream, because holy fuck- The stretch was hard even for someone as loose as Oikawa. 

“Tooru-“ Ushijima breathed down to him, worried, but Oikawa wasn’t gonna let this be his defeat. He steeled his eyes and hissed.

“Come on, Toshi. Fuck me with you big, fat cock.”

Ushijima seemed to consider it for a moment too long, and Oikawa kicked at him. He pushed Ushijima down as he was distracted with his foot and he hovered over Ushijima, angry tears stinging his eyes. “Fuck, Ushijima, I just want you to fuck me!” he begged on a sob. He grit his teeth and grabbed at Ushijima’s cock, forcing his hips all the way down.

“Fuck, you’re so big!” he screamed in a high pitch as Ushijima stretched him completely, until he reached his end, and he let out a sob. Ushijima was sitting up in an instant, grabbing Oikawa and hugging him tight. 

He scolded him, then worriedly asked, “Are you okay?”

Oikawa bit onto his finger because honestly, it was so painful, but at the same time, it was everything he’d ever wanted. He just had to take a minute to get used to it. He let Ushijima hold him as he wrapped his arms around Ushijima’s chest, breathing in his scent. 

“Toshi, remember at that Halloween party, when I sat on your lap and tried to kiss you?”

Ushijima pulled back and tried to determine where Oikawa was going with this. Oikawa nuzzled back into his neck. 

“Remember what I called you?”

Ushijima blinked. 

Oikawa pressed against his chest, took a moment to admire how small his hands looked spread over Ushijima’s pectorals, and then he looked up through thick lashes and whispered, “Fuck, you’re so big, Daddy.”

Ushijima let out a short laugh, like he was confused about whether or not it should be funny. Oikawa chose then to roll his hips and he crooned out, “Fuck me with your big cock, Daddy.” And now Ushijima understood that it wasn’t a joke. 

And fuck, he really liked it. He grabbed at Oikawa’s hips to try to grasp at his self-restraint as he hissed out, “Tooru, your mouth is way too dirty.”

Oikawa shot right back with a breathy, “Then clean it out for me, Daddy,” and Ushijima’s self-restraint snapped. 

“Fuck, Tooru.”

“Yeah,” Oikawa mewled back like the slut he was, and Ushijima pushed Oikawa back down to the bed, shifted over top of him and grabbed his hips, hauled them into the air and snapped his hips forward. Oikawa screamed and grabbed at Ushijima’s arms, but there was no stopping Ushijima now. 

In the haze of his ecstasy, all Oikawa could focus on was the intense look of love and heated desire that blew Ushijima’s pupils wide. The older male kept his eyes on Oikawa the whole time like it’d be to his detriment to look away, and Oikawa reveled in his gaze. He purred at his boyfriend and ran his hands across his jaw and cheeks, into his hair and he thought, _I love this man, I love him so much._ He wished more than anything that he hadn’t been such a jack ass and had just talked to Ushijima properly from the beginning; it was a testament to Ushijima’s patience and love that he still wanted to date Oikawa after all of that. 

Ushijima kissed him slow, a crazy contrast to the way he slammed his dick into Oikawa at an insane pace, but Oikawa thought that it was a perfect description of how Ushijima was: strong and determined, but gentle and caring. A tough cookie with a caramel center. A tootsie pop. 

He arched his chest against Ushijima as he felt himself getting close to his release, and Ushijima called his name, his hips never slowing; Oikawa could tell from the slight tremble in the way he said Oikawa’s name that Ushijima was close too. 

He gripped around Ushijima’s neck and pulled himself up enough to press his lips to Ushijima’s ear. “Love you,” he husked just as a particularly well-angled thrust made him cum, and he cried out Ushijima’s name in a broken voice. There was something so intensely different about an orgasm given to you by the person you really adored. It was all-encompassing, warm, short-circuiting his brain and all he could think about was the way Ushijima’s voice sounded as he whispered out, “Tooru-!” as he came inside his beau. 

Oikawa collapsed against the sheets and he felt Ushijima slip out of him and he crooned, feeling empty but so sated. Ushijima sat back on his haunches, lazily rolling off and tying up his condom, tossing it into a wad of tissues to be discarded later, Oikawa watching him with half-lidded eyes, drinking him in. 

A slight sheen glistened over Ushijima’s abs and pecs, and his biceps twitched gently as he moved. His thighs bulged out as he sat on his calves and Oikawa thought there wasn’t a man more beautiful in the whole world than his boyfriend. 

“Toshi,” he called, and when olive eyes graced his face, he husked out, “do you have any idea how fucking attractive you are?”

Ushijima chuckled like Oikawa wasn’t dead serious, and he slowly crawled forward, laying down beside the brunet, who immediately rolled and cradled his side, throwing his leg over Ushijima’s. Ushijima, in turn, hugged his waist and pulled him in closer for snuggles. Oikawa could feel Ushijima’s slowly decreasing heartbeat beneath the tips of his fingers as he rested his hand and head on the other’s chest. 

Oikawa looked up and pressed a kiss to Ushijima’s neck. “Seriously. You’re really handsome and you’ve got an amazing body. I think I could watch you do anything, and I’d find it fascinating, and actually, I’m a little worried that you’re more attractive than me.”

Ushijima smiled softly, rubbing his cheek over Oikawa’s soft fluff of hair. “Don’t think that’s possible, darling. You’re obviously the cutest thing around.”

“Well, of course, I’m the cutest. But you’re just hot, and that worries me. Don’t leave me when girls hit on you.”

Ushijima kissed the top of his head and hugged him closer. “Now that I have you, you’d best believe I’m never letting you go.”

Oikawa nodded, feeling warm to the tips of his toes as he thought that he had no doubt in his mind or heart that Ushijima would stick with him to the grave. It was amazing to feel so reassured. Despite Ushijima’s lack of communication sometimes, he was surprisingly good at letting Oikawa know exactly how he felt. It was his eyes, Oikawa thought. 

“Toshi, can I stay tonight?”

Ushijima looked a little surprised, but he really shouldn’t have been considering the only time Oikawa had slept over was the night after that regrettable party. “Of course.”

Oikawa sat up and giggled. “Are you sure you won’t be too tempted by my presence?”

Ushijima shrugged. “Well, we’ve had sex now, so I assumed you be good with me being too tempted.”

Oikawa scratched at his chin and nodded. “Good point. Be tempted away, then!” He pressed a kiss to Ushijima’s cheek and rolled out of bed to get ready to sleep, Ushijima reaching out to catch him but being a bit too slow. 

Oikawa could feel Ushijima’s eyes on him as he brushed his teeth and washed his face, swaying his hips to silent music, and as he shimmied into some sparkly plaid shorts he’d probably found in the girl’s section of a store and an old, wide neck shirt. Ushijima welcomed him back with open arms and pulled Oikawa on top of him, sinking his hand into soft hair and pulling Oikawa into a slow, deep kiss. Ushijima had learned way too fast how to kiss Oikawa to make him melt, and he did so now as he licked over Oikawa’s slick teeth and across the roof of his mouth. Oikawa wrapped his own tongue around Ushijima’s and tilted his head to get a deeper angle. 

“Gonna sleep naked?” he whispered to Ushijima as he pulled back and snuggled on top of him, and he felt Ushijima shrug. 

“I usually do, but I can put on some boxers if you’d prefer.”

Oikawa hummed softly, imagining Ushijima falling asleep every night in the nude, the sheets barely covering his naughty bits in a really sensual way, like art. “No, this is just fine.” Ushijima’s body heat bled through his thin clothing and he almost wished he’d just left the pj’s in his bag and opted for nudity too, but by now he was already too lazy and falling asleep to the rhythmic rise and fall of Ushijima’s broad chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yas. This is that good shit that we’ve all been waiting for /claps  
> Writing sex after so much angst is honestly life-changing lol
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed it ^~^


	10. Chapter 10

Waking up on top of Ushijima’s chest was a wonderful experience in and of itself. Oikawa wasn’t a morning person, but when he blinked his eyes open around 8:30, he couldn’t fall back asleep. He watched the rise and fall of Ushijima’s chest and traced softly over his skin, words and patterns. Thinking back on his life, Oikawa could have never imagined that he’d be here one day, so happy in the arms of someone he loved so much, who loved him back. It made him want to cry. 

Once in a while, Ushijima would mutter something in his sleep, and Oikawa would shift his head up and watch the way his eyes darted beneath his eye lids, lips moving ever so slightly, long lashes fluttering over tanned cheeks. His boyfriend was exquisitely beautiful. Oikawa ran a careful finger over his soft lips and wanted so badly to kiss them. When he couldn’t stand it anymore, warm and full of too many feelings, he sat up and kissed Ushijima slowly. He licked gently over his lips and Ushijima muttered his name sleepily, and it sent an arrow through his heart to know that even in his dreams, Ushijima was thinking of him. He smiled. 

Feeling hungry, he decided to take a quick shower and make himself some breakfast. He hadn’t really brought any comfy clothes to lounge in, so he dug around Ushijima’s dresser until he found an old volleyball team shirt and pulled it over his head. It came to the middle of his thighs and he took a moment to inhale the scent of it. He waltzed into the kitchen and set about making a simple breakfast of toaster waffles and scrambled eggs. He cut up some fruit and poured two large cups full of orange juice. He was waiting for the waffles to pop out of the toaster when he heard a small creak behind him. 

Ushijima stood leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, watching him silently. He wore nothing but a pair of boxer briefs, and his hair stood up in all directions, his eyes still half-lidded with sleep, a serious look on his face. 

“I was just making us some breakfast,” Oikawa said softly, leaning back against the counter and smiling at Ushijima as the two drank each other in. 

“Is that one of my shirts?”

“Well, I never went to Shiratorizawa,” Oikawa said as he looked down at the shirt he wore, pulling it out to read the name on it.

“Yeah, and what a shame. The colors suit you.” When Oikawa looked up again, Ushijima’s cheeks were dusted pink and there was a really fond look in his eyes. 

The toaster popped behind Oikawa and he spun around, hiding a ridiculous smile behind one of his hands, pulling hot waffles out and dropping them onto a plate. “Ow,” he murmured as he shook his slightly scalded fingers, and suddenly Ushijima pressed against his back and took his hand in his larger one, kissing gently at the burnt fingertips. Oikawa closed his eyes and leaned into the other. 

An arm settled around his waist and Ushijima, still holding his other hand, kissed down his arm and into his neck. “I want to wake up to this sight every morning, Tooru,” he husked against Oikawa’s skin, and the brunet closed his eyes as warmth rushed over him. 

“Mm,” he hummed, thinking back on waking up against Ushijima, of the warmth and quiet contentment of the moment. 

Ushijima nuzzled into his neck and they stood like that for a long while, Oikawa folding his arms over Ushijima’s and interlacing their fingers together, not even worried about their waffles that were cooling. He wanted to stay like this forever. 

Warm hands spun him slowly around and hefted him up against the countertop. The linoleum was a little cold with just the shirt to cover his bum, but Ushijima’s arms and chest were warm when he stepped between Oikawa’s legs and pressed his nose into his neck again. Oikawa wrapped his arms around Ushijima’s broad back and twirled the hair at his nape between his long, slim fingers. 

Ushijima stood a little taller and leaned in, their lips meeting halfway in a soft kiss. Ushijima pressed his palms over Oikawa’s naked thighs, one slipping to the small of his back to pull him closer, a pinky finger grazing over his ass cheeks. Oikawa let out a small noise of pleasure and tightened his arms around Ushijima’s back. 

When they pulled apart, Oikawa a little out of breath and Ushijima smiling ever so softly, he pressed their foreheads together and whispered, “I love you, Tooru. You’re beautiful.”

And Oikawa actually blushed and cocked his head, murmuring sweetly back, “I love you more, Toshi. I’ll love you forever.”

Ushijima chuckled and pulled back. “That’s a big promise from someone like you,” he joked softly, though there was pride in his eyes.

“Yeah? Well, get used to it, handsome, cause you’re stuck with me now.”

And Ushijima murmured, “Good,” as he leaned back in for another slow kiss. 

x

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes when he spotted Oikawa standing just outside the door to the gym, fidgeting nervously. He wore a baggy shirt that looked well worn, probably stolen from Ushijima guessing from the school name on the front of it, and a pair of overalls, the bottoms cuffed up to reveal ratty old canvas sneakers. He was watching Ushijima the whole time, cheeks a little red, and Iwaizumi wanted to pull a face at the look in his eyes and make fun of him, but he was honestly just happy to see Oikawa like this. Ushijima too, was projecting a sunshine kind of aura and Iwaizumi wasn’t the only one who’d noticed. Lots of girls had begun flocking around him, but he kindly dismissed them all, beaming proudly as he’d point to Oikawa and say, “Sorry, but I’m dating that cutie right there.”

When practice was over, Oikawa ran in and jumped into Ushijima’s arms, not even caring about how sweaty his boyfriend was as he kissed him. Iwaizumi let them have a moment before calling Ushijima over. Oikawa trailed behind him, their hands linked, and Iwaizumi smiled at his friend. 

“I wanted to introduce you two to our newest team member.” Beside Iwaizumi stood a tiny redhead, his eyes wide as he took in Ushijima and Oikawa standing together. “This is Hinata Shouyo.” 

Oikawa was the first to step forward and ruffle the red hair. “Hey, chibi-chan! Congratulations on making the team!” 

Iwaizumi thought it showed how far Oikawa had come when he noted there was no longer any jealousy in those words. Oikawa hadn’t greeted or talked to any of the new members who’d joined the club last year, but today he beamed proudly down at Hinata. 

“What position do you play?”

Hinata’s face lit up and he shouted, “Middle blocker!”

Iwaizumi chuckled and called Kageyama over. He tossed a ball at Oikawa. “Why don’t you serve him a ball and see his skills for yourself.”

Oikawa quirked his eyebrow and glanced up at Ushijima, who just shrugged, and Oikawa walked over to the court behind the black and red haired pair, already bickering friendly. Oikawa cleared his throat and the two stilled, and he almost forgot to breath when he saw the look of pure concentration that crossed over Hinata’s face. He took a deep breath and tossed the ball up, running and jumping to smack it high over the net. Kageyama was right there to receive the ball, and with a flick of his wrist, he tossed it towards Hinata. Oikawa wasn’t ready for it.

That small redhead, with barely any preparation, jumped high above the net, smacking the ball back over with a sound that shook the whole gym and Oikawa’s very soul, and he blinked just as the ball whizzed back past his head. Somewhere across the gym someone was clapping, and Oikawa blinked again, staring at the small redhead in shock as he jumped into Kageyama’s arms and high-five’d Iwaizumi. Ushijima pat him on the head and welcomed him to the team. It wasn’t until Ushijima called Oikawa’s name again, the only two left in the gym now, that he finally snapped out of it. 

Ushijima grinned at him and he actually pouted back. “I wish I could have played against him in high school,” he whispered softly, staring down at the pads of his hands, the calluses that had formed during middle school and high school already faded, and he frowned. Ushijima was quick to cup his face and tilt his chin up, to wipe away the gloomy feelings that clouded over Oikawa’s face. 

“You can play him whenever you want, Oikawa. I’ll join you.” Oikawa blinked up at his boyfriend, wondering how he’d gotten so lucky to get Ushijima. 

“You can do whatever you want. I’ll always be here to support you, Tooru.”

Oikawa shivered and closed his eyes as he basked in the warm glow of Ushijima’s unwavering love and support. 

“Yeah,” he whispered with a bright smile as he opened his eyes again, staring up at Ushijima, whom he loved with all of his being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it, just a short epilogue, but this story is all done now. I hope you guys enjoyed it, as I really enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> Please leave a comment or kudos and you can HMU on tumblr @ bealovelylady if you have more prompts for me or just like reblogged art of beautiful boys. <3


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